Ettiquette

Most people have common sense when it comes to what is socially acceptable and what is not. You know it is impolite to burp at the table (in western culture). You know not to pick a wedgie when at a nice event (where people can see). You know that please and thank you are “magic words.” I guess I am making a lot of assumptions, so I certainly hope that you know these common niceties. It is all simple etiquette.

However as I expand my experiences and as such expand the number and type of people that I encounter I find that things I think are common sense when it comes to politeness are maybe too extreme for them.

Let’s take something simple like a wedding (okay weddings are anything but simple). There are a manners for weddings. When you send a gift, what you send, arrival time and these are just things that you have to worry about if you are asked to attend someone’s wedding. One area that I have always felt is simple, falls into the realm of what NOT to wear to a wedding (it is often difficult for me to figure out what to wear). There are two things I know are inappropriate. The first of these are jeans, especially holey jeans. I mean people are joining their lives together jeans are just not appropriate (there are occasions where this could be broken: a wedding on a ranch or where the invite specifically says that jeans are permissible). If you wear jeans to a wedding you are showing a lack of respect for the bride and groom, and their family. Basically you look like you belong in the back country riding around on a tracker (not that there is anything wrong with that but is that really the impression you want to give to all of the people present at this party?).

There is in one rule in wedding day attire that is very clear and should never be crossed. White. The only person who should wear white or anything in the white family (ivory, champagne, off-white ect) is the bride. If you are going to a wedding resist wearing anything that resemble that of a bride (whether this be a dress for a bride getting married for the first time or second marriage dress). Bridal clothes are for the bride.

I always thought this was simple and clear.

If you show up in a bridal (white) dress you are going to look like a fool, a fool with no class and desperate to boot. Not to mention a complete and total bitch. I mean this is the bride’s day are you so insecure that you have to wear white too? Also you better watch your back, people will have noticed the white. The bride has friends (they’re called bridesmaids) and these brides are wearing matching dresses and are pissed on the brides behalf (not to mention that some of them may be pissed in the British sense of being a bit tipsy). So you better watch out for the maid of honor headed your way with that glass of red wine. That smile may look friendly but really it is feral and you’ll be wearing that wine when other bridesmaid “accidentally” bumps into the maid of honor from behind.

Why don’t you save yourself some heart ache and not wear the white dress to the wedding. Although on second thought that’s a show I’d like to see, so wear white and make it floor length.