I have a group of friends that I hold in high regard. They are intelligent, attractive, generally well put together women. They have go it going on. In my opinion they deserve the best and they generally demand the best for themselves. There is one area of their lives that I find they aren't making sure that they get the best. Or at least demanding that they are treated as they should be. This area of their lives involves the opposite sex; men, guys boys, dudes. They lack common sense when it comes to ...... Relationships.
It isn't that my friends are particularly retarded in this area of their lives. I think that most women are this way. What is is about relationships that makes generally sane women (myself included) such idiots?
Where does the logical thought process go that got us through school and gets us through our work days? And why is it so easy to judge other peoples' relationships? Not to mention the hindsight you get once you are out of the relationship. Where do our brains go? What happens to all of our common sense?
Here is a prime example: I have a friend who we'll call A. She recently broke up with her boyfriend. As a result of this we re-hash the details of her relationship. A tells me a story about something that the boy did. I find this to be something that I feel like I would never put up with. I say nothing at the time of the telling. It doesn't really matter at this point, she has broken up my saying something doesn't matter. She mentions that if I had come to her with the same story she would be appalled and wonder why I was still with the guy. How can something she would find not okay for me be okay for her? And how as a friend do you address issues like this? I feel like I want the best for A and for her to be as happy as she can but how do I say something without making her feel like an idiot. I mean it really isn't her fault she is in a relationship and it seems that no matter what your judgement is called into question here. What makes this situation different for her? What makes it okay? Why is she willing to deal with behavior she would find horrible in a friends' relationship. Where did A's logic go?
And why do we as women make excuses for men? Why do we allow that the reason he didn't call is because of x, y or z? We leave ourselves open for heartache and disappointment. We create these scenarios that aren't really there. Maybe he didn't call you because he was out with someone else. After all you have only been on one date why are you automatically exclusive. We all do it is like a hobby; the analyzing every little nuance. I'm not going to lie it is one of my favorite pastimes. Probably isn't healthy but it is fun and can really occupy the time. It does lead to excitement about things that are probably nothing....He invited me to a party! Oh wait he invited a lot of people to the party.
What happens to us when a man/boy/guy/dude is involved? There is something in us that pushes for more - more feelings - more everything. And most often the guys we are going after aren't ready or willing to give us what we want. Is going after these unavailable guys a defense mechanism? If there are the guys we are chasing/dating/interested in then when we are ultimately rejected we can't really be that devasting, Right?
I am particularly at fault for this one. Every little gesture has some bigger meaning. Logically I know that is doesn't but I create it into this thing that is more. He responds promptly to my texts, he must like me. He waits hours, then he must be with some other girl. He intiates contact like me, I intiate he doesn't. Sometimes it feels like this emotional rollercoaster. And lets be honest I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe his phone was in another room and maybe was with another girl. These are all possibilities. So why am I making myself hopeful/depressed over them. The relationship must not be in a very advanced stage for me to making these jumps in conclusions.
I don't want you to walk away thinking that I am some relationship guru. I am not. I am stuck in the same boat as every other girl that I know. We are pretty much just feeling our way and sometimes it just seems like the blind are leading the blind.
Relationships are tricky weird things. And hopefully someday I find the right one.
