Fall

I usually think that I like summer the best of all (as far as seasons go). Then Fall comes and I a remember how much I love it. There are a few things that stick out more than any other and are really the reason I love it, Fall.

I love when the air turns crisp and I can finally pull out my scarves and coats. I will hate these come spring, but right now I am longing to throw some leggings on and grab my pea coat and bright pink scarf. I really don't like summer style, there isn't much too it. Just a skimpy top and shorts, some flip flops and you are good to go. Fall takes some thought. How rainy is it? How cold? How many layers do I need? Does this purse fit over my coat? There is just a lot more thought and car that goes into the Fall wardrobe. I don't think I have really updated my summer clothes in years. The Fall clothes though I can update and add and subtract from.

Another thing that I like about Fall is the September Vogue. I wait all year for this issue. Once I buy it I don't read it right away. I need a full day just to really feel like I am satisfied reading it. There is a process to reading that issue. I flip through it backwards first. Then I go through it front to back reading the articles that grab my attention. The I flip through randomly again lingering on pictures and ads that catch my eye and my imagination. I may not be able to afford anything in the magazine but I have at least found the inspiration for my Fall outfits.

This isn't to say that I neglect the other September fashion magazine issues. I buy them all and savor the. There is just a special place in my heart for Vogue.

I like going back to school. I will not be doing so this year but I like the concept of it. The fresh start, the new year that is open to all sorts of possibilities. It makes me want to buy to pens and notebooks. It also makes me want to go back to school. And I think I will it might not happen this fall but I will be working towards that goal.

So goodbye summer, though I love you and would live to live in a perpetual state of summer I can't help but love fall.

Worst Decision of the Week

I decided I wanted to do something new with my hair. I'm trying to grow it our so no chopping, and wasn't really feeling a big salon spending spree, so dying my hair was out. I had read over and over again about this shine treatment that you could buy from Clairol. It is $9 and an easy at home thing. So I went out and I bought that container.

I opened it as soon as I got home and started reading the instructions. Now I should have known here that there was something wonky up with this treatment then. If it is just a shine treatment why am I wearing gloves and why does it have warning that if I get it on clothes or anything else I should immediately wipe with a damp rag. It didn't make me nervous I proceed to follow the instructions (if you have ever done an at home dye job it is exactly the same - just 10 minutes though).

I put a face mask on, paint my toes and then hope in the shower to rinse it off. My hair feels fantastic! I hardly ever blow dry my hair so I let it air dry when I go outside to read a book. I get ready for the night and my hair seems pretty shiny. Not miracle hair shiny but the light is definitely reflecting.

Here is the problem that I notice after I have completed the treatment. There is peroxide in this product. This is why you wear the gloves wipe things down, etc. And most importantly why it says on the box to start rinsing at EXACTLY 10 minutes, which I didn't do.

No big though right? I mean I've dyed my hair hundreds of times, in fact I am growing some blonde out from my ends as we speak.

The next day revealed the error of my ways. Now my hair is course and dye and I don't have any of the result that usually happens from this, lighter hair. Nope it is the same and on day 2 not nearly as shiny. Now I am battling with dried out hair.

So Clairol Shine treatment huge mistake.

The 3 Minute Miracle I used from the Aussie line left me feeling pretty good about life though.

I've never felt like this before...

....No seriously and I think it might be pretty pathetic, but maybe not totally atypical. Probably i am sort of a weirdo. I want to talk about liking someone as more than a friend. how eighth grade it that. I know lame. I can't help it though, I feel like I have flashed back to middle school. And here is why, I like someone, well I have been liking someone. You know like like- and the last time I can think of this happening, at least to me really giving into the feeling was in middle school.

Here is a little back story on me; I'm really good at keeping my emotions in check. I don't let myself get into deep. I always hold something back. This is probably the reason I have never had a serious boyfriend and get nervous when people start to like me. This has also led to many other problems, issues, whatever in my life. I keep people out, not the best way to live. However once you are in I am so crazy loyal to you and we are pretty much best friends for life. What can I say I am an all or nothing kind of girl. Keep in mind though this in is still conditional. My best friend for the last 9 years has never seen me cry, and note that we did live together for 4 of those years. So I am a tough nut to crack.

Okay back to the boy issue. So I like this guy and there hasn't been that much of an advancement in our relationship. It has gone from friends to friends who hang out a lot, but never kiss. And there is sexual tension there. I am generally alright with this. There is a time limit on any relationship we could potentially start, and I don't think I want to do long distance (and remember there is no kissing, no making out, nothing). But I like him. Like like.

There is this weird thing that overcomes me. I don't want to make plans for the night unless I know that he is doing something else. It is a weird desperation. And it is hard to describe. It isn't like I am desperate and feel like I would be lost without him. It is more that I would rather be hanging out with him than not, because of this I make only tentative plans that I can break. I finally understand what happens to my girlfriends when they get boyfriends and why I end up forgotten. It isn't that they don't want to hang out with me it is just that they would rather be spending time with him.

In addition to this I want him to feel the same way. I want him to make plans to hang out with me constantly, without me pushing for more. I want him to want me. I don't know if I am describing this well or if I am making myself sound like some pathetic girly girl. Something I have strived never to be. It isn't as if I think he is the one or anything like that. I just want someone to want to be with me and I think that the desire is surfacing and being projected onto this guy. And I do like him it isn't all the first guy who pays attention to me and I am envisioning us married with kids. Not like that at all, well maybe a little - I have an over active imagination. It isn't in some weird creepy stalker way just your typical doodle his last name and my first name in a notebook type of way (which I haven't done).

I am a realist I know that he is leaving soon and our relationship at best would be describe as a friendship. I know this yet want more. At least would like to see what more is like.

I guess the point that I am driving at is that I finally understand. I understand the slight desperation that over takes you. Thinking to yourself that if you aren't there then he will forget about you and find someone better. That if you don't show how cool and chill you are he won't like you (not that I am changing myself at all - definitely don't believe in that).


Maybe this is due to something that people don't really know about me, I am faux confident. I am really good with appearing like I know that I am pretty awesome while inside I know that I am not all that cool. Just a dork. Especially when it comes to boys, guys, men, whatever. They never seem to like me. At least the ones that I could have some interest in. So I really have no self assurance in these situations.

It is a weird sensation for me though. Liking someone. And them liking me back. Ending with us both being wusses afraid to make any physical move. At least there won't be a break up though. No reason to sit around and mope about the lose of a friend. Right?