Ugh Change the Station

You know those songs that you hate. And there isn't really any concrete reason for it? Sure the lyrics are ridiculous, most songs' are, and the tune isn't amazing or ground breaking but nothing truly offensive about it. Yet something about it just grates.

Right now that song is "According to You" by Orianthi. I hate that song. HATE it.

Generally speaking it is just you typical pop song about hating on an ex and finding someone who loves you for you. You know typical pop song. However the lyrics grate and I can't help but think about the logical of the situation.

Here is the gist of the song. She, the singer, had this ex who thought she was dumb unattractive and basically worthless. Umm....here's a question why the hell would you date someone like that let alone, hang out with them. I have met people like that in my life and you know how much time I spend with them? As little as humanly possible. You know what life is hard enough without being around those kind of people.

In addition to dating this crappy guy she also is writing an entire song telling him that she found someone who thinks she is great. Well okay that's awesome and all but why are you STILL hung up on the guy that treated you like crap 9otherwise why are you writing a song too him)? I mean he didn't like you when he was with you, what makes you think he cares that you found someone? Also he probably thinks your new guy is an idiot.

I mean honestly the whole things bugs. A guy thinks you are the scum of the earth still dates you and in response you write him a song? He doesn't care.

Although apparently I do, enough to rant about it.

(I refuse to post the video - if you must listen then search on your own).

Oh Sorry You're Never Getting Out of There

Boy/Girl relationships are weird. Sometimes good weird, sometimes just plain weird. I have coined a new term (well new for me)...the "Asexual Box." I feel like it is pretty self explanatory - but then again anytime I think that people totally misunderstand me.

So for those of you who don't get it; the Asexual Box is the place you go when I know that that I will never have any desire to hook up with you. This box does come in different forms; there is the "I love you like a Brother," "You are my Brother," "You are Married/Engaged/In a Serious Relationship with my best friend," "You are way to old for me," "Hello, you are my boss," "I'm really Just not Attracted to you, Sorry" and then of course, the "Just Friends Box." In all of these cases I have pretty much stopped thinking of you as a sexual being.

I think a lot of girls are like this. They are able to categorize the opposite sex into those they would possibly do and those they would not. (I know that guys are totally different).

For me at least it would take a lot for you to work your way out of the Asexual Box I have placed you in. For some it would be impossible. For some of you dudes out there that box is sealed so tightly shut there metal that constructs the box is soldered closed.

I know you might thinks that's harsh. Is it because you find yourself in one of my Asexual Boxes?

Anyway, the thing about these boxes is that I assume I am in a corresponding one for you. If I love you like a brother I figure you love me like a sister.... I hope you get the point. In my mind here we are having this boy/girl relationship with no sexual tension, laughing and joking and hanging out. I assume you feel nothing because I feel nothing. Well by nothing I mean I really don't want you making your way across the couch and try to kiss me.

If a situation presents itself where I realize the Asexual Box I have been residing in is made more of cardboard than metal and I could bust out of there at any moment. In fact it is possible the Asexual box you have me in is more like the ones mimes are in. I'm not going to lie it perplexes me.

I am the kind of person that is really good at putting people in categories and leaving them there. If you are married then you cease to have any appeal to me. I mean you are married! Even if you are just someones boyfriend I can accept that. I have never read that as a challenge to try and steal you away.

So when I find out that I have shifted column from Asexual to sexual I am a little confused as to how that happened. And then I worry if you feel like maybe you've broken out of your box. The answer to that question is no you haven't. Not to say that some people don't reside in a middle box the "Sexual w/o Possibilities Box." There is something there and I don't mind the idea of you trying to make a move on me but it's be better for our friendship if you didn't (this box never includes dudes that are taken).

I realize that as a woman my ideas on this are totally different that a guys. I mean what boxes do you have. Will she let me or won't she?

Not that I don't think that guys and girls can't be friends, on a purely platonic level. I honestly believe it is 100% possible. Is there a chance that one might want more from the relationship? Yes. However if you are clear from the being and the other person involved isn't delusional thinking that no means yes, then absolutely boys and girls can be friends.

Just be clear, a nice "I would NEVER date you," should be sufficient.

Does my ass look big in this?

Well, honey, I'm not sure if fat is what I would say, I can see your ass in that. And by I see I mean I think you need some new pants. When they say running tights they don't literally mean tights. Running tights are just really tight work out pants. like leggings but thicker and less see through.

I know I recently have mentioned people a the gym not wearing clothes, and this incident didn't happen at the gym. I ran in a race, one of those events that you sign up for and people go nuts for.

The person with the see through pants, wasn't trying to dress crazy like many people were, there was a guy in a teletubby costume. No this woman who I happen to be keeping pace right behind, where just wearing the see through pants, a regular long sleeved shirt and a tiara. If you had seen other people then you would know that she was tame in comparison. A guy blew past me sweating profusely but don't worry his wig and head band stayed firmly in place. I also don't think she was or is the worst offender (see previous post regarding becoming familiar with your fellow gym members waxing preferences).

Needless to say I feel safe in my criticism here. I debated for those five miles if I should tell her her pants are see through I mean surely she didn't know, right? And I thought I would want someone to tell me wouldn't I?

I have to confess I did not tell her. Something similar had happened to me once. I have this sweater dress and I usually wears leggings, or skinny jeans with it, it is covers my butt but is in that length where you ask your self shirt or dress (usually I go with shirt if that is a possible question). One time I wore it and thought you know I bet tights will be fine, they are opaque, it'll be like leggings. Well the butt part of the leggings was light pink and the sweater is a wider knit and this my ass was revealed. I was told but couldn't really do anything about it. And thus for the rest of the day at WORK, I had to be very conscientious of my ass. (I would like it to be noted I did check this out in the mirror before I left home. I need better lighting in my room).

So I decided not to tell her, I mean what is she going to do about it? Nothing, but she would know her ass was revealed and feel stupid for the rest of their race. Hopefully her friends told her on their way home last night.

So when you wonder what I did Sunday morning, it was stare at ass for 5 miles straight.

Gym Rat

Recently I joined a gym. I joined one that has classes and a pool. I have belong to gyms before. The most recent one was more of a hippy kind of gym.

There was a patron there who I swear had been working out in the same shirt for the last 20 years. It was slowly falling apart from the bottom, and he wore those shorty running shorts that older guys sometimes wear. I would like to note that though the guy was definitely older he did have six-pack abs. So he'd been working out a lot over the years, and the shirt showed it. I worked out there for months and no one ever really talked to me, which I was fine with. I don't go to the gym for conversation.

My new gym on the other had is a totally different scene. My first day there I was wandering around checking things out, the work out machines, etc. I had not worked out yet, and was just walking around waiting for my class to start. This guy walks up to me, now let me give the full picture on him. He is shorter, not terribly fit, but not crazy outta shape, wearing a white t-shirt, black sweat pants and a black and white checkered scarf tied around his head. No not a bandanna type scarf the long rectangular kind. You like you wrap around your neck on a cold day. He gives me a head nod and then I move on. In my lap around the weight room, we meet again and he asks how my work out is going. I said good, even though I hadn't been working out.

I head into the class I was waiting for and he follows me in. Okay I don't know if he followed me in, but he came in shortly after I did. And then he barely made it through 15 minutes of the class.

This event has not deterred me from the gym though. I have returned and I am trying to take classes. Something that I think is important to note is that I played sports as a kid. Soccer, basketball, volley ball etc. I did not take dance classes. And now things are difficult for me in aerobic classes. I have gone to this Hip Hop Dance class and I suck. And there are people that are really freaking good, by the end of the class I can barely remember the steps we learned in the first 10 minutes let alone, put the whole thing together at the end.

The thing I most want to talk about it the out fit I was stuck behind today in Kickboxing. The girl had obviously taken the class before, she knew all the moves was really working it, and getting into the class, which good for her. I am glad she was enjoying her work out. You know what I wasn't enjoying about that class was standing behind her in her short shorts and basically seeing her lady bits.

I don't know how much you know about kickboxing but there is a kick that you do behind you and when you do this properly certain parts of you could be exposed. That is you are not wearing the right kind of bottom attire. She was wearing indecent bottom attire. And I couldn't look away. It was really ruining my work out, I was concerned what the people behind me could see and I was wearing pants!

I'll keep you posted on all the crazies I see at the gym, I have a feeling scarf guy and Miss I'm not ashamed of my lady parts will only be the beginning.

Dear Man with the Staring Problem and Girlfriend,

I guess this shouldn't just be addressed to you, this is to all the guys that have a staring problem. Admittedly I find it pretty amusing and somewhat flattering when guys check me out, so thank you. However you sir in particular you took up a notch.

For those of you reading this open letter let me give you some salient points. It was a Saturday morning, before 9:00 a.m. I have little makeup on, and have not showered and I should have since I went hot tubing the night before, also the night before I stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning watching "Gossip Girl." Also I am wearing the same clothes I put on after work, I did not sleep in these clothes. And these clothes are led Zeppelin T-shirt that is not tight and is a crew neck. Some skinny jeans boots a long cardigan and a huge scarf. So not that I looked horrible, I just wasn't looking super fantastic. I was grabbing a morning steamed soy milk, with hazelnut syrup and waiting for my drink, with a friend.

And then you walked in, with your lady friend. I can only assume you were in some sort of relationship with her, it was before nine in the morning. You looked me up and down not once not twice, but several more times than that. Also there was prolonged staring. I wold also like to note for those of you who know me well, I was not being loud and or disruptive. I was talking with my friend in a normal-ish manner, just waiting for our morning beverages.

I have the habit of shrugging this type of stuff off, because a. what am I going to say to this stranger? "Stop looking at me?" b. I will be out of the coffee shop shortly so I can handle it for a few minutes.

Here is where I have issues. I made eye contact with him. Just a straight forward look in the eye. I really couldn't figure out why he was staring at me. And he starts acting all guilty. So I think whatever weirdo. And move on with my life.

Then this same thing happened a few times throughout the week (I must have been wearing the right clothes are something). And I start making eye contact with all these guys. I mean you were looking at me? Why is it so weird that I start looking at you? You were not being subtle about checking me out, so why are you acting all weird about it? You obviously are either really bad at it or you wanted me to catch you.

I don't really have anything else to say about this just if you are going to stare/check out girls accept that she might make eye contact with you. Also maybe you shouldn't check out a girl quite so intensely if you are with your girl, that is just plain awkward.

Love and Kisses,

Dagny

Action!

My roommate in college came up with this concept, idea, whatever and I still to this day find myself doing it.

Here is how it all started, well from what I know, maybe she had been doing this for years and she never told anyone until me. She was walking across campus and it was a whatever kind of day. I don't remember it being fabulous or horrible or any of those types of things that make a day stick out. It was just your regular run of the mill trek across campus. If I recall she was feeling a little blah.

Then she came up with this concept to fight the blahs and feel a little better about herself. She thought what if there was a camera filming me right now? How would I walk? How would this cross campus walk look? What would I be doing differently if there were camera's here right now? And then; "3-2-1 ACTION!" Was born. She didn't just think this thought she acted on it. And you know what the answer to that question was; she walked a little taller, with more purpose, she stopped looking at her feet straightened her shoulders and put a little swagger in her step.

And then she came home and asked if she was crazy, her sister had told she was a little weird. I disagreed I thought it was a great idea. So anytime were were doing anything and we felt like we needed a little something more. One of us would turn to the other and say action. And just like BAM, we were super stars. Sure it might have been a little fake but eventually that over bright smile became a little more natural and we laughed at stupid things. I mean how do you act when you are doing homework and there is a camera on you? Or when you are washing your face?

Right now - ACTION! Did you just sit up a little straighter, debate about biting your finger nails as you read, brush your hair back or arrange yourself on your bed a little more coquettishly. I did and I am sitting her typing in some patterned green leggings, an over sized grey shirt I either sleep in or work out in (it read reads "Friday Harbor" across the front), and hair fresh from the shower. Definitely not a film worthy outfit.

So if you are feeling a little down and your walk is need of something extra then think "3-2-1 ACTION!" and you will be that much closer to your movie star moment. I know I''' be thinking about it on my next stroll from my desk to the bathroom. My [ponytail will have that extra bounce it needs to really complete my outfit.

Mystery Solved

It isn't any secret that I love fashion magazines. I generally love all women's magazines, well I'm not a huge "Good Housekeeping" fan, but I'll check it out if it available. Gossip Mags are fine, but I really love those fashion magazines, the ones with ridiculous clothes and articles about arty movies, and the like. So my favorites, since I am sure you are wondering are; "Vogue," "W," "Harper's Bazaar," and "Elle." And then there is what I like to consider a subculture of the Fashion Magazines, the women's magazines, the ones that are really intended for your single girl, in her mid twenties to mid whenever she stops wanting to reading the articles on how and where to catch a man.

These magazine amuse and annoy me. They really don't have a category. There are fashion spreads, articles on what are the latest and greatest books, movies and music to check out, health and beauty articles, workouts you name it is probably in there. There is one type of article they are particularly known for, sex articles.

The best part of these is the headlines on the cover they are generally ridiculous. Although they are effective you do want to flip the magazine open and see what they have to say. I personally think that "Cosmopolitan" is the best of these magazines. Take a look at the current cover with Carrie Underwood on the cover.

If you look there in the upper left hand corner you can see the headline, tag line whatever; "How to touch a Naked Man."

Now I don't want to talk about how these articles are making us as women feel inferior if we aren't attached to a man, I think that has been covered by people who feel passionately about that subject (besides the point that I think that it is women that buy these magazines by choice - if you don't like it don't buy it).

Anyway, what I want to talk about is how ludicrous these articles are. I cannot speak for the particular article, "How to touch a naked man" but I have read multiple articles like this before mainly for the very reason I want to know what they had to say. I mean can you tell me honestly that you have no desire to see what someone wrote on how to touch a naked man. I mean how did they fill up an entire age on this?

After seeing this cover I have done an informal interview of men in my acquaintance just to see if I was completely erroneous in my assumption. I wasn't apparently it is simple, just touch him. I just saved you $3.95. I can' say there aren't better suggestions in there I haven't read it and I probably won't.

I have read my fare share of articles like this though so I am pretty sure that I will be just fine not reading this article. I mean I read the one about what guys are thinking. And I don't want to say that men are transparent, I honestly don't think they are, but when you break the article into what they are thinking in certain situations it really isn't that hard to figure out. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I read an article that told me what men are thinking when they watch porn, yep that is right apparently there are people/women out there who don't know.

I could go on and on about the different topic that they have, "The hour men most want sex" who knew there was one hour more than all the others? I think on every cover of Cosmo there is the word "sex" in extremely large font. And lets be honest once you or I read the article it really isn't all that fabulous. It never enlightens me to something I didn't either know, suspect or really cared about in the first place.

Just in case you were wondering what that article about what he most wants to see you wearing don't bother (he wants to see you in nothing) it isn't going to give you the answers you really seek.

Harumika

I know what?! Right? I was browsing the doll section at Target the other day. I like to keep up on what barbie is wearing and wondering what career choice I should be aiming for. Anyway I happen upon the most terrifying doll I have ever seen. Okay maybe not scarier than Chucky, but this is still completely creepy. It is called Harumika. And it looks like the this:

I don't know how well you can see the face on this doll. Zoom in if you can. She has no eyes and no hair and a wig.

It is supposed to be a doll that increases creativity, you create the clothes she wears with the fabric provided and there is a slit in her back that you can "lock" the fabric in better with. But she has no face, just a white doll, they are called mannequins so I guess they aren't going for your typical doll, but they do have names, so I'm confused.

I don't really get the point either, or maybe I'm just not that creative. How much can you do with a strip of cloth that doesn't involve sewing. I mean you can reuse it again and again, so there is that, but you can't really make pants or anything and from what I have observed, watching the video provided on the website ( www.harumika.com). I mean it seems like I was a. already doing this with my Barbie's and I would rather get more clothes.

It is just a creepy, creepy doll.

Happy Happy Valentine's

You probably don't know this but I am going to tell you anyway. I LOVE Valentine's Day! I know weird right? For a single girl to not be all bitter about it, right? Honestly though I do like it. There are hearts and pink everywhere. And there's candy! Maybe that's why I like it I have a soft spot for conversation hearts. And I really do love conversation hearts.

One thing I also like are cheesy loves songs. I had a friend in college and she just loved love songs. If people asked her what type of music she liked the answer was loves songs. Pop, country, rock whatever it was as long as it was a love song she liked it. So here are some love songs that will make you smile. At least they make me smile.

On my way to work today I heard this little gem.



And I also heard this the other day and found it enjoyable. Not the best song but I still like it. The beginning of the video is pretty good too.



Man why are love songs so awesome - especially the horrible ones? I'm not saying there aren't any good loves songs out there. There are. Well all know some of them and probably disagree about others. I just think that cheesy songs fit better for the holiday.

I do like the following as a long song though. Just the right amount of cheese with some heart.



And finally via an Outcast shout out I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day! Embrace the cheese and fall in love with Valentine's Day!

Aren't you afraid that your Mother will read that? No, okay then.

I like rap/hip-hip/R &B music. There is one thing that fascinates me about it though. The lyrics that they write. Well I assume they are written and the artist isn't just in the studio and spouting off random words (I am not a hundred percent convinces of this - WHAT!? I'm looking at you Lil Jon, OKAY!)

What constantly astounds me are the content of the lyrics they do write, the sexual nature of them. Did the rapper overhear a conversation and think great I can write a whole song based on this. For example a personal favorite from the summer, "Birthday Sex." Yes, the lyrics are pretty horrible they include this line "Don't need candles or cake just need your body to make...Birthday Sex." Yes, it is literally a song about giving a girl nothing but sex for her birthday which I am sure she loved, more than presents.

My question is where does that lyric come from? Were you thinking about what to get you girl for her birthday and were like hmmm..... jewelry might be nice, nah. What about a nice dinner, nope she eats all the time. I got it! I'll give her sex! And then where does the jump go to writing a song about it.

There are hundreds of options for this idea; "from the window to the wall to the sweat drop down my balls." I mean honestly you just wrote about balls!!! How do you do that?

I also love the songs that seem all romantic and nice and then you listen to the lyrics....

Just in case you missed it, the hook to this is "I want to make love in this club." I mean really? How romantic and sweet is that?

I just want to know the thought process behind these songs. Does it go something like this; does it talk about women? check. Does it address how much I want them in bed? check. Does it include taking clothes off? check. Will it make my mom uncomfortable to hear me singing these lyrics in a concert, on the radio or any other public forum? Absolutely. And bingo folks we have a hit!

It isn't that all songs are like this some of them are very clever. "Treat you like you're from Milwaukee, send you Green Bay Packin" Okay maybe not the most clever line but it always makes me smile. Also this one, "I'm roasting marshmallows on a fire, and what I'm burning is your attire."

In all honesty I really do love this music even when it is crappy, then it is just makes me laugh at the ridiculousness of it and it is always great to dance to.