Tis the Season

I'm not a huge fan of Christmas. I know shocker!

There are a few things I do like about Christmas. I like buying things for other people. I don't like making a Christmas list and waiting to see if people bought me the things I want. I have very specific tastes. Some people might call that high maintenance but i just call it knowing what I want. It's not that I want super expensive things. I just know what works for me and what I want to incorporate into my life.

Another thing I love other than buying people presents is the mall. I just like being there at Christmas time. It is packed and there are lines and crying children and men with that sinking in an ocean look. I love it. I know some of you started to break out in hives when I started describing all that, sorry. I mean I love the mall most of the time, there is this smell and energy about new stuff that I love. Sometimes when I enter I just want to skip. Christmas time is the best though. All the sales and sweaters and people!!

I want your Revenge

I love this video. I think it is what made me love this song. Say what you will about Lady Gaga, her crazy fashion her lack of pants in public (I do not approve); she is giving us something new.

This video is visually stimulating. She grabs you from the beginning just sitting there in a chair surrounded by people dressed crazy just staring into the camera. To the end where she is laying on a bed with flames shooting out of her boobs.

She works in these crazy shoes that I don’t particularly like other than to stare at and figure how your feet sit in them. And I actually like a lot of the looks she has going on in this video. I like her make up when she is in the crazy white bear coat and when she is nearly bare faced. There is just so much here. I could never write it all down, well at least so that people will want to read it.

I don’t get it all but I know that I want to watch it over and over again.

ASAP

I think telling someone you need something or to do something ASAP is stupid. There is no solid definition of it. My ASAP could be very different than yours.

So let's save ourselves some trouble and why don't you just tell me when you need it done by.

Meow

It isn't a secret that I love shoes. There is one style that I really can't abide though: The Kitten Heel (for those of you confused look at the photo to the right).

I mean what is that? It isn't a flat and it isn't a real heel. I know those of you have seen me in my heels are rolling your eyes and thinking Come on, Dagny, not everyone can walk in four inch heels. A fact I do not dispute. However, I think it would be better if you just submitted and wore flats. Also they don't have to be super high a two inch heel would be better than that.

I mean honestly look how horrible they look on.....

Granted these aren't the most attractive shoes to begin with, yet look how they shorten the leg and make these models ankles look sorta thick. If you don't see that then I don't know what to say. I have seen a perfectly good calf ruined by a pair of kitten heels.

I know they are sorta comfortable (I don't totally agree I always forget that I have a heel on it is so small). Let's do our ankles a favor and fight any resemblance to the cankle that we can. We owe it to our smokin' hot legs.

Dear Vogue,

You know I love you but lately I just can't support you with my hard earned cash. It all has to do with your recent covers. I don't know why you are having an identity crisis after all these years. Why are you putting sub par covers out there? I am more drawn to Elle and Bazaar. I don't even expect the high drama you get from a W cover but I expect glamour and fashion. Something I feel has been sadly lacking. Here is my evidence Vogue:

I know it seems like this cover is fine, but it isn't. There are so many things wrong with this. Yes, these are pretty good looking dresses. Here is the question why do these actress look less than their best? I know you can't always take a great picture every time. And it would be difficult to get all the actresses looking good in the same photo. Here is the thing though I watched "The September Issue" I saw what you are capable of, putting a head on a different body choosing which neck was better than the other one. So you can't tell me that you can' make the best body pose go with the best face shot.

This is the cover that really brought my attention to your problem. Yes this is a gorgeous picture and it is everything I could want from a Vogue cover except it looks like part of a photo shoot and you just couldn't find a cover shot so you stuck this on the cover. In fact it reminds me a Town & Country cover I've seen. is that what you are trying to go for Vogue, Town & Country?

I have one question: When did Charlize Theron become a model for Ralph Lauren?

Again the smallness of this picture is probably perplexing you as to why I picked it. Look closer why does Cate Blanchett not look so great? What is with the lighting or make-up on her face? I have seen better of Cate and of you Vogue. Also this is the December issue yet if I didn't know that I would think it was July or something definitely not a winter month. And December should sparkle, it is the holidays.

And how boring is this? All white with a belt? Looks like another Ralph Lauren ad. Where is the fashion, the drama?

So Vogue I expect better out of you in 2010. I know you lost advertising pages and your September issue was smaller. I get that times are hard, but isn't the cover what draws people to you? I think you would want to make the best showing that you can. So just do better, be better.

Sincerely,

Dagny

On the Radio

I hate disc jockeys. I have never listened to one and felt like I actually am genuinely interested in what they have to say.

I know that is harsh and I am not saying that there aren't good ones out there or even that the ones I have heard are horrible people. They just come across that way over the radio. Here are my two supporting arguments; okay maybe a little less formal than that here are two different segments I have heard on the radio in the last week.

A DJ was reporting on the recent accident involving a crew member that was working for Miley Cyrus. There was an accident involving one of the tour buses. A man was killed. Here is what I heard over the radio: "There was an accident with Miley Cyrus' tour bus. Oh but don't worry Miley wasn't on the bus she is perfectly fine. A bus driver died but she wasn't on that bus." Uh wait a minute that is how you announce a man's death over the radio? Don't worry the 16 year old singer who is totally fine, this guy died but don't worry you'll hear more songs about how Miley didn't get the memo.

I mean seriously it sounded extremely callous. I know he had to announce it but it could have been done much better, with way more class.

Here is the second incidence. The DJ in this case was encouraging people to check out this music video on the radio stations' web site. The band he wanted people to check out is Owl City (I do enjoy them so check them out if you haven't). Granted the DJ was trying to make sure people knew the band's name. However saying; "Owl as in Owl." Doesn't really get the point across and then when you can't even remember what sound an owl makes, you look/sound even more like an idiot.

This is why if you are ever in the car with me I am constantly changing the radio station and will probably end up listening to a CD. I don't need or want to have that kind of idiocy pumped through my car speakers.

I Know I Know it isn't Breaking News

I saw a picture the other day and I thought I should address it. The picture is actually the one below of Chad Michael Murray. Yes I realize he was on One Tree Hill and I realize that he does not look very good in this picture. Not the point as you will soon read, be patient. Here is the point: I like boys (men, whatever) in scarfs. I think it looks cute. I like the idea that he (the guy in question) had to grab something before he ran out of the house, he took some time to attend to the details. However, it can't be over done nothing too planned or coordinated. And I do mean cotton scarfs none of this silk stuff*. Just a casual scarf thrown on with your clothes. Doesn't even have to match, entirely.

I also particularly like the light weight ones that can be worn in warmer months. Those are usually worn on the hipster/emo guys. You know those guys that wear super tight clothes and are skinnier than most girls. Yeah I like scarfs on those dudes. or I just like how they style their scarfs (see below).

*Chuck Bass can wear whatever he wants.

Show Them All Your Good Parts

Another song I am loving right now. A little slower a little melancholy but I adore the lyrics.

There is Probably a Reason

I was once talking to this guy, years ago, and he told me he could never date a girl who owned more than 5 purses. He couldn't see the reasoning behind it.

Needless to say all we ever did was talk. I am pretty sure I had bought 5 purses that month.

Confession

There are somethings that drive me nuts. One of these is my winter arm hair. Yep, that is right I said winter arm hair is a specific season that I don't like my arm hair. In the summer it is fine. My skin is tan and the hair bleaches out I hardly notice it. It begins in the Fall, the tan begins to fade and then I notice my arm hair.



As a side note this did not begin to bother me until college. It all began with a friend of a friend, she mentioned shaving her arms. I have never been one to shy away from trying new things when it comes to beauty. I have dyed my hair blond at home, dyed it darker, used to do my own highlights etc. Anyway, I shaved my arms. Whoosh that feels better, like a weight lifting off my shoulders. Confession is good for the soul.


So back to the point, I shaved my arms and I liked it, for about a day. See the thing with shaving is that your hair grows back and it comes in prickly. And there isn't anything attractive about that. Also I missed spots and that is so freaking annoying, just staring at these patches on your arm.


I stop shaving my arms and have been annoyed with my winter arm hair ever since. Until last week. I was at the store and needless to say I had been thinking of my receding tan and that led to thought about my hair. And I thought why haven't I tried something like Nair on my arms. A depilatory cream (makes the hair disintegrate). I had used Nair on my legs in High School didn't like waiting for it to take effect and it totally stank.



Deciding to check anyway I cam across Veet and it promised that it smelled like aloe and white jasmine. I tried it. And let me tell you that I totally LOVE it. It didn't smell awful it worked faster than the Nair I used in the past, and most importantly I don't have prickly arms.


Good Bye arm hair.

Buried Deep

This moment is temporary insanity
My enthusiasm is down, need to pick it up
Don't want you to think every minute is calamity
Can't let you see the real me

I want that dream;
The kids, the dog
That picket fence, manicured lawn
I know it's not right to use you like this
I need an out, I need a win
And you're a winner
help me out
Just this once
I'll learn to like you, learn to love you

This moment is temporary insanity
My enthusiasm is down, need to pick it up
Don't want you to think that every minute is calamity
Can't let you see the real me

Where's this desperation come from?
This need, this drive
I don't see you I see security
I see things, status
I see through you to that perfect life
It's not your fault
It's a lack in me
Somethings missing, at least i think it is

This moment is temporary insanity
My enthusiasm is down, need to pick it up
Don't want you to think that every minute is calamity
Can't let you see the real me

You're my shot out of this mess
My salvation
Don't know where these mercenary tendencies came from
There are here though and i can't shake them
I want to want you
More than the possibilities
More than for the monetary
But I don't

This moment is temporary insanity
My enthusiasm is down, need to pick it up
Don't want you to think every minute is calamity
Can't let you see the real me

Can you feel my desperation as I take your hand
Don't you sense my panic when you leave the room
You seem so complacent
My smile is over bright
I clasp I grab
needing you in my sights
You are my future
I've determined you are my out

This moment is temporary insanity
My enthusiasm is down need to pick it up
Don't want you to think every minute is calamity
Can't let you see the real me

Trying to collect myself
Bring it all together
Show the face you've been accustom to
The one you seem to like, to love
Only a brief flash of the real me
The one I keep hidden

My every moment is insanity
Faking my enthusiasm until it is real
Creating calamity in my every minute
The real me buried deep beneath this facade

A Good Day

Simple things can turn the day around. Tonight a walk after the rain made the day good.

Oh so we are doing this now?

When did the lingering hug become the thing?

And I am not saying for close friends, I expect to linger then. I mean when you see someone you haven't seen since high school and you were never in a "hug" relationship with them. Or your friends step mom you see once in a while. Is it the appropriate thing to linger with everyone now?

Was there a memo I missed?

Now I feel bad when I pull away. Should I have held in there longer? Do they think that I think that they smell? That I don't like them? Maybe I am the one doing something wrong. Am I in some way encouraging the linger, the extra squeeze?

Favorite Things

There are a few things in life that give me as much pleasure as laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and listening to music.

That is all.

What is Love?

I love talking with my friends their insight and opinions on life never cease to amaze and inspire me. Sometimes I cringe and wonder how they can think that way but more often than not I am reaffirmed in my personal thought and often find more clarity than what I was looking for. When in the midst of these good discussions/talks I lose track of time and just want things to go on and on.

A discussion and thought that I think that most people who aren't in love, married whatever think about. There are a lot of thing that I "know" logically yet I'm not ready to emotionally come to gripes with. One of my favorite movie quotes comes from Saving Silverman; "Doesn't 'One and only someone' mean; One and Only?" That brings up the question of whether or not there is a one and only, the infamous soul mate. Does that exist?

In all honesty I don't think so. At least that is what my mind tells me, my heart is a totally different story. And I think the mind comes into play here because I know that love is more than just an instantaneous feeling. It is something that grows and becomes more as you get to know someone better. At least that is the way I feel that most relationships do. The more you understand the more you love.

I had a friend put the idea this way: If attraction/love is like a fire if it a huge fireball of flames those are going to burn out at sometime there is just no way to maintain that level of passion consistently. Instead if you build love, like a fire and continue to feel it wood it grows bigger and the flame stays around. I don't know if I am doing the description justice. I hope you get the idea.

My mind understands this concept and I agree that this is supposedly the best way that loves survives you constantly feed it.

I have even had another friend who said there have been plenty of perfectly good guys she could be happy being married to. She just wasn't ready for a relationship. I don't know if I agree or disagree with this sentiment or not. I am pretty sure that I disagree there are a lot of guys I have met, perfectly nice and great guys that I COULD not be happily married to, then again maybe I am just more close minded.

Then there comes this idea how do you know you are with/marrying the right person? I've heard many different theories most of them boil down to this: When it is right you know. Helpful I know. So I asked my Grandmother today, who met my grandfather labor day weekend and married him December 30 of the same year, when she knew. He. my grandfather knew on their first date, well before that. He asked her to marry him and kept at it until she said yes. She didn't know until after they were married. Even on their wedding day she had doubts. So does that blow the idea that you will know out of the water? A little.

I think that movies have played a HUGE role in what we expect from love and romance. I am not going to lie I want that big moment. You know the one where the music swells and your eyes meet across the room and you know you cannot live without each other.

Here is the thing though shouldn't you be a complete person without them? I know I could live without. I think the ultimate goal is that life with much better with that person by your side. Maybe that is the goal find someone who makes everything better.

An Easy way to Change it Up

I love love love doing my nails. I like painting them. I like finding crazy colors to paint them (not yellow though it makes me think of dead fingernails). I found that you could have metallic nails I had to have them. Thus I became Beyonce-fied. I am pretty much down to try anything, on my nails that is.

Something I don't understand is people who are afraid of certain colors or looks on their nails. I want to shake them and ask what they are afraid of. It isn't permanent in fact it is one of the least permanent things you can do to your self. People paint their small children's nails. I mean it smells but other than that there is nothing lasting about it.

This is actually my annoyance with nail polish. I hate taking it off and putting it back on. Probably because I can never find the nail polish remover. Mainly this is due to the fact that I like my nails to be painted all the time. That way you can't see any of the dirt I might get under them. The only thing I don't like about painting them is the time it takes to dry and the need to do absolutely nothing while they do dry. You need like a 2 hour block of time. I have solved this by doing them progressively over the work day. Also buying those nail polish removers that allow you to remove the polish from one nail instead of pouring it onto a cotton ball and ruining all of your nails. The one thing I don't like about nails is I don't like getting them done. I honestly don't feel like a manicurist does that mush better of a job than me. I mean sure if I am getting fake nails they are necessary but for just polish I can do it all on my own. Also what is the deal with their colors. People come here to get their nails painted!!! Have some crazy variety, and I don't mean different shades of red and pink, spice it up!

Hmmm..... who knew I could write so much about nails?

How Does this Seem to be the Case?

Something got me riled this weekend. Instead of my usual response to ignore it and let it go I decided to address the problem. I wrote what I felt to be very clear e-mails to the parties involved. They may have made me look crazy (I stand by the fact that they did in fact not). Maybe the hurt was still a little to raw and they came across as more than I wanted it to.

Anyway to make the point I have already gotten a response from one of the e-mails. In my response I think I apologized!! Why cannot I not shake this need to be a good girl and appease people, make them happy? I still think I have a right to be annoyed but now I feel bad about how I expressed myself. Why?

How did this get so turned around? I'm still mad but now I think I could have handled the situation better or stated myself more clearly. Even worse now I am wondering if I viewed the entire situation wrong.

Why do I always end up conceding like this? Why can't I ever hold onto my "righteous" anger? Probably for the best that I am able to move on and forgive so easily. Right?

I guess the point is that I apologize for getting mad.

It just hits like a Bullet

Songs that is. I can take a song and like most people make it all about me. To me that is what makes a good song; when the lyrics and music all comes together. In fact it is one of the things I hate most when the lyrics rock and I can't stand the music or vice versa. Although I guess not all groups/artists/bands can be that universally awesome.

Also I become obsessed with a song. I want to listen to it all the time. No matter how much annoys other people. I can't help it, I want to crawl into the song and live there. Today "Help I'm alive" by Metric is the place I want to live.

We're in a Recession, Right?

I had perplexing experience the other day. My friend and I decided that we wanted a new make-up look. A day look to be exact, one that make it look like we are wearing make-up, something to mix into the rotation. I didn't think it would become the adventure that it did.

We started at Nordstrom, Mac the destination. We get a salesperson/make-up artist to help us. Her make-up is like most people that work at Mac, over the top and colorful. She proceeds to do my friend's make-up first. It was pretty basic browns and what not. Not anything crazy fancy, yet there was something off about it. When it was my turn I said I wanted something navy and gold. I got browns and teal. And definitely didn't love it.

It should also be noted here that the salesperson failed to sell anything other than eye shadow. We said day look not just eyes, but the whole deal. She failed to mention anything else, well that's not true she offered my friend lipstick, not me though. no blush, no foundation, nothing. Good thing I'm not her manager.

Dissatisfied with our look we next headed to Ulta, and couldn't find anyone to help us, although in Ulta's defense did have a line at the register. It was here that we saw a look that we wanted to try out. So we headed back to the mall and this time went to Sephora, inside JC Penney's. We found someone to help us and she told us that she could give a ten minute tutorial on how to do a smoky eye or show us how to apply foundation and cover up. Umm thanks? (I have a whole rant on the smoky eye, that I will have to get into at another time.)

We leave and go to another mall. We are going to try Sephora, not one inside of JC penny's. here we are told the same thing, but we feel that we are armed with the look we saw at Ulta. Apparently at this Sephora, they don't actually want to help you. I swear we were extremely clear about what we wanted, nope she did not want to help us. So we left (another person who should be glad I'm not her boss). She went so far as to say we should just you tube what we wanted and learn that way. Um we wanted you to show us what to buy and you want us to leave and go home and look it up? Okay?



Back to Nordstrom. Mac was busy so we found a salesperson working the Nars, counter. She finally helped. At this point I was done. She only did my friend's make-up. It was fine, better than the first try. This person failed to sell as well. Until asked. It was a little ridiculous.

And this whole time I thought we were in a recession. Guess I was wrong, these stores obviously don't want my business.

Good to Know

Apparently there are 4 categories of women/girls...whatever. Here they are in no particular order;

• Gorgeous
• Beautiful
• Cute
• Pretty

I was told, tonight, that I fit into the beautiful category. Nice, I guess. He did tell me there is no ranking, I don't believe it and I think there were a couple categories left out.

And a follow up question why is he telling me this? And on a first date?

That Party Last Night Was Awfully Crazy

There is a reason why my friends are my friends, we all get each other on some different special metaphysical level. Yeah that's right, here's an example.

I was visiting a friend out of town and brought with me a mix CD. On my mixes there is typically one or two songs that I like but don't necessarily listen to every time. Also some people hate particular songs. It is there right. I personally can't stand Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing", it drives me nuts. I like almost everything that Aerosmith does, I know it is weird.

Okay back to why A is my friend. We are listening to the aforementioned mix CD, when that song comes one. The one people always ask if they can change, complain about how retarded it is, etc. So I automatically reach to switch it. She stops me and says something like; "Man I love this song." Ahhhhh true friendship.

We are able to bond over lyrics like; "Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat, then do it all over again, Man, I love college." Most people just don't get the simplicity and the beauty of those lyrics.

It is Just the Craziest Thing

I have a group of friends that I hold in high regard. They are intelligent, attractive, generally well put together women. They have go it going on. In my opinion they deserve the best and they generally demand the best for themselves. There is one area of their lives that I find they aren't making sure that they get the best. Or at least demanding that they are treated as they should be. This area of their lives involves the opposite sex; men, guys boys, dudes. They lack common sense when it comes to ...... Relationships.

It isn't that my friends are particularly retarded in this area of their lives. I think that most women are this way. What is is about relationships that makes generally sane women (myself included) such idiots?

Where does the logical thought process go that got us through school and gets us through our work days? And why is it so easy to judge other peoples' relationships? Not to mention the hindsight you get once you are out of the relationship. Where do our brains go? What happens to all of our common sense?

Here is a prime example: I have a friend who we'll call A. She recently broke up with her boyfriend. As a result of this we re-hash the details of her relationship. A tells me a story about something that the boy did. I find this to be something that I feel like I would never put up with. I say nothing at the time of the telling. It doesn't really matter at this point, she has broken up my saying something doesn't matter. She mentions that if I had come to her with the same story she would be appalled and wonder why I was still with the guy. How can something she would find not okay for me be okay for her? And how as a friend do you address issues like this? I feel like I want the best for A and for her to be as happy as she can but how do I say something without making her feel like an idiot. I mean it really isn't her fault she is in a relationship and it seems that no matter what your judgement is called into question here. What makes this situation different for her? What makes it okay? Why is she willing to deal with behavior she would find horrible in a friends' relationship. Where did A's logic go?

And why do we as women make excuses for men? Why do we allow that the reason he didn't call is because of x, y or z? We leave ourselves open for heartache and disappointment. We create these scenarios that aren't really there. Maybe he didn't call you because he was out with someone else. After all you have only been on one date why are you automatically exclusive. We all do it is like a hobby; the analyzing every little nuance. I'm not going to lie it is one of my favorite pastimes. Probably isn't healthy but it is fun and can really occupy the time. It does lead to excitement about things that are probably nothing....He invited me to a party! Oh wait he invited a lot of people to the party.

What happens to us when a man/boy/guy/dude is involved? There is something in us that pushes for more - more feelings - more everything. And most often the guys we are going after aren't ready or willing to give us what we want. Is going after these unavailable guys a defense mechanism? If there are the guys we are chasing/dating/interested in then when we are ultimately rejected we can't really be that devasting, Right?

I am particularly at fault for this one. Every little gesture has some bigger meaning. Logically I know that is doesn't but I create it into this thing that is more. He responds promptly to my texts, he must like me. He waits hours, then he must be with some other girl. He intiates contact like me, I intiate he doesn't. Sometimes it feels like this emotional rollercoaster. And lets be honest I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe his phone was in another room and maybe was with another girl. These are all possibilities. So why am I making myself hopeful/depressed over them. The relationship must not be in a very advanced stage for me to making these jumps in conclusions.

I don't want you to walk away thinking that I am some relationship guru. I am not. I am stuck in the same boat as every other girl that I know. We are pretty much just feeling our way and sometimes it just seems like the blind are leading the blind.

Relationships are tricky weird things. And hopefully someday I find the right one.

Fall

I usually think that I like summer the best of all (as far as seasons go). Then Fall comes and I a remember how much I love it. There are a few things that stick out more than any other and are really the reason I love it, Fall.

I love when the air turns crisp and I can finally pull out my scarves and coats. I will hate these come spring, but right now I am longing to throw some leggings on and grab my pea coat and bright pink scarf. I really don't like summer style, there isn't much too it. Just a skimpy top and shorts, some flip flops and you are good to go. Fall takes some thought. How rainy is it? How cold? How many layers do I need? Does this purse fit over my coat? There is just a lot more thought and car that goes into the Fall wardrobe. I don't think I have really updated my summer clothes in years. The Fall clothes though I can update and add and subtract from.

Another thing that I like about Fall is the September Vogue. I wait all year for this issue. Once I buy it I don't read it right away. I need a full day just to really feel like I am satisfied reading it. There is a process to reading that issue. I flip through it backwards first. Then I go through it front to back reading the articles that grab my attention. The I flip through randomly again lingering on pictures and ads that catch my eye and my imagination. I may not be able to afford anything in the magazine but I have at least found the inspiration for my Fall outfits.

This isn't to say that I neglect the other September fashion magazine issues. I buy them all and savor the. There is just a special place in my heart for Vogue.

I like going back to school. I will not be doing so this year but I like the concept of it. The fresh start, the new year that is open to all sorts of possibilities. It makes me want to buy to pens and notebooks. It also makes me want to go back to school. And I think I will it might not happen this fall but I will be working towards that goal.

So goodbye summer, though I love you and would live to live in a perpetual state of summer I can't help but love fall.

Worst Decision of the Week

I decided I wanted to do something new with my hair. I'm trying to grow it our so no chopping, and wasn't really feeling a big salon spending spree, so dying my hair was out. I had read over and over again about this shine treatment that you could buy from Clairol. It is $9 and an easy at home thing. So I went out and I bought that container.

I opened it as soon as I got home and started reading the instructions. Now I should have known here that there was something wonky up with this treatment then. If it is just a shine treatment why am I wearing gloves and why does it have warning that if I get it on clothes or anything else I should immediately wipe with a damp rag. It didn't make me nervous I proceed to follow the instructions (if you have ever done an at home dye job it is exactly the same - just 10 minutes though).

I put a face mask on, paint my toes and then hope in the shower to rinse it off. My hair feels fantastic! I hardly ever blow dry my hair so I let it air dry when I go outside to read a book. I get ready for the night and my hair seems pretty shiny. Not miracle hair shiny but the light is definitely reflecting.

Here is the problem that I notice after I have completed the treatment. There is peroxide in this product. This is why you wear the gloves wipe things down, etc. And most importantly why it says on the box to start rinsing at EXACTLY 10 minutes, which I didn't do.

No big though right? I mean I've dyed my hair hundreds of times, in fact I am growing some blonde out from my ends as we speak.

The next day revealed the error of my ways. Now my hair is course and dye and I don't have any of the result that usually happens from this, lighter hair. Nope it is the same and on day 2 not nearly as shiny. Now I am battling with dried out hair.

So Clairol Shine treatment huge mistake.

The 3 Minute Miracle I used from the Aussie line left me feeling pretty good about life though.

I've never felt like this before...

....No seriously and I think it might be pretty pathetic, but maybe not totally atypical. Probably i am sort of a weirdo. I want to talk about liking someone as more than a friend. how eighth grade it that. I know lame. I can't help it though, I feel like I have flashed back to middle school. And here is why, I like someone, well I have been liking someone. You know like like- and the last time I can think of this happening, at least to me really giving into the feeling was in middle school.

Here is a little back story on me; I'm really good at keeping my emotions in check. I don't let myself get into deep. I always hold something back. This is probably the reason I have never had a serious boyfriend and get nervous when people start to like me. This has also led to many other problems, issues, whatever in my life. I keep people out, not the best way to live. However once you are in I am so crazy loyal to you and we are pretty much best friends for life. What can I say I am an all or nothing kind of girl. Keep in mind though this in is still conditional. My best friend for the last 9 years has never seen me cry, and note that we did live together for 4 of those years. So I am a tough nut to crack.

Okay back to the boy issue. So I like this guy and there hasn't been that much of an advancement in our relationship. It has gone from friends to friends who hang out a lot, but never kiss. And there is sexual tension there. I am generally alright with this. There is a time limit on any relationship we could potentially start, and I don't think I want to do long distance (and remember there is no kissing, no making out, nothing). But I like him. Like like.

There is this weird thing that overcomes me. I don't want to make plans for the night unless I know that he is doing something else. It is a weird desperation. And it is hard to describe. It isn't like I am desperate and feel like I would be lost without him. It is more that I would rather be hanging out with him than not, because of this I make only tentative plans that I can break. I finally understand what happens to my girlfriends when they get boyfriends and why I end up forgotten. It isn't that they don't want to hang out with me it is just that they would rather be spending time with him.

In addition to this I want him to feel the same way. I want him to make plans to hang out with me constantly, without me pushing for more. I want him to want me. I don't know if I am describing this well or if I am making myself sound like some pathetic girly girl. Something I have strived never to be. It isn't as if I think he is the one or anything like that. I just want someone to want to be with me and I think that the desire is surfacing and being projected onto this guy. And I do like him it isn't all the first guy who pays attention to me and I am envisioning us married with kids. Not like that at all, well maybe a little - I have an over active imagination. It isn't in some weird creepy stalker way just your typical doodle his last name and my first name in a notebook type of way (which I haven't done).

I am a realist I know that he is leaving soon and our relationship at best would be describe as a friendship. I know this yet want more. At least would like to see what more is like.

I guess the point that I am driving at is that I finally understand. I understand the slight desperation that over takes you. Thinking to yourself that if you aren't there then he will forget about you and find someone better. That if you don't show how cool and chill you are he won't like you (not that I am changing myself at all - definitely don't believe in that).


Maybe this is due to something that people don't really know about me, I am faux confident. I am really good with appearing like I know that I am pretty awesome while inside I know that I am not all that cool. Just a dork. Especially when it comes to boys, guys, men, whatever. They never seem to like me. At least the ones that I could have some interest in. So I really have no self assurance in these situations.

It is a weird sensation for me though. Liking someone. And them liking me back. Ending with us both being wusses afraid to make any physical move. At least there won't be a break up though. No reason to sit around and mope about the lose of a friend. Right?

Loving my Job

I know that work is work and it isn't supposed to be fun. However does it need to suck so badly? Why can't I find a job that I care about or even think of a job that I wouldn't get sick of in a matter of months. I just don't want to get up in the morning. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep.
I know a lot of people agree with me on this.

I probably need to find a job that I care about where I am really doing something that I love. I just haven't figured that out yet.

Weddings

What is the deal with people getting married? I get the entire wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone, okay not really but I get the concept in principal. What I don't get is the need people have to confirm their choice in multiple parties and gifts.

There is an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, the wedding and not to mention the time commitment that all of those parties take up. And let's be honest unless you are my close family or friend I don't know how much time and or money I want to spend for these things.

In addition to this there is the entire fact that girls getting married want to surround themselves with friends. Friends that they might not have known before they were engaged. It's isn't that I don't want to be friends with people that are getting married I guess I just want to be less obvious that you kind of screwed yourself. You spent time getting to know this guy, and I get that you'll be married for a really long time you need to get to know them, but why should I now feel obligated to hang out with you?

I probably sound awful here. I know that but I am just wondering what these girls are thinking. We have only hung out in a group on occasion and now your bachelorette party will suck if I'm not there? Really? You didn't care about me that much before you wanted to make sure you didn't feel lame. And I go and bring a nice gift and make an effort because I don't think anyone should feel like a loser. I would want people there for me, so I get it I do. I just don't like all the fakeness of it all.

Here is the kicker though: For most of these people I will not be their friend after this. They will get married and live their married life and I will continue on in my single life, separately. It is like this long expensive, time consuming friendship that has an expiration date, the wedding date. Do we get to be friends again when I get married?

Am I the only one who notices this?

Side note: This is not always the case my close long term friends I expect to have a continued friendship with no matter their marital status.

One of the Grossest Things

I guess I just don't get it. A tandem bike, that you purchased. Didn't rent for a kick, but legitimately bought. And then you ride around town on it. I can honestly say that I will never be that person, that couple. On a tandem bike in spandex riding around town with my honey.
And if you are that type of person, type of couple let it be known that I will mock you.

At least their spandex didn't match.

I Compeletly Relate

When I get home from work I take my dog to the dog park. I change and we leave. He is used to this scenario so goes bananas when I get home; whining, jumping and the like. Today it is soaking rain (Fore those of you not familiar with Portland weather - that means that the rain drops are so fat I might was well shampoo out there since I will be soaking wet in seconds). Soaking rain means that I am not going to the dog park. mainly because I do not want to deal with a dog that wet.

If I do not immediately take him to the park, Ranger, nudges me whines and generally makes a nuisance of himself. Today though he gave up. He realized that he would not be getting what he wanted so now he is passed out. In so deep of a sleep his limbs are twitching.

That's how I feel lately if things don't go my way a nap seems like the best way to get over it.

Unfabulous Day

It should have been average. And it almost was. Today that is.
Here is where it went wrong:

1. The button popped on my pants (see post below)
2. Worked a temp job as a receptionist with nothing to do, literally nothing but answer the phone that maybe rang 10 times in 8 hours
3. Get in my car to head home and notice that I got a face mask in my hair so I have been walking around with white streaks in my hair
4. All day it felt like there was fuzz on my right upper eyelashes and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't fix it

That's what sidled my day from average to unfabulous. At least its Friday.

This could Become a Serious Issue

I have had this problem for a while now. Buttons pop off my pants. And before you finish your visualization of pants that are too tight, straining at the seems and a button hanging on for dear life before it careens across the room...this only occurs on my pants that aren't tight.

Take to day for instance; I am wearing one of my favorite professional pants - they fit me well, in fact I can fit 3 fingers in the waistband. I go to the restroom and as I go to unbutton my pants the button pops off and rolls across the bathroom floor. Luckily I have a belt on today and a longer shirt. Honestly I don't know what is going on.

Yesterday I had a similar problem. In this case though I was wearing pants I hadn't worn in a while so I had forgotten about the button until I was running late and had no time to change my outfit. And those pants are notoriously stretchy. By the end of the day I was pissed at myself for forgetting a belt.

I have had this problem consistently for the last several years and I just don't get it. And the pants I shouldn't be wearing the too tight one where I need an empire waist shirt to keep the muffin tops from being revealed in all their glory? Yeah those buttons are super glued on.

I wonder if I am just spending money on inferior pants.

It Makes Me Itch Just Thinking About It

I can keep silent no longer. Jump suits stress me out. All I can think about are the inherent problems with them. Think about going to the bathroom. Do you really want to get naked every time you have to pee? Isn't this the reason most of us wear bikini's or tankini's now?

In addition to the peeing problem they just don't look cute. If you saw the Vogue recently with Blake Lively on the cover and took a peek inside the entire issue was a bout jump suits. Yves Saint Laurent had a sequined one, it wasn't cute. Also Blake was featured in one and I am pretty sure she didn't want to be photographed in something that made her look like there was a stomach pouch where I am sure there isn't one.

Jumpsuits make me want to break into hives. It makes me nervous. And I have a confession I usually succumb to fashion. I hated leggings and now I wear them. I'm just saying I may be getting naked in the stall next to you soon and that makes me nervous. In fact it makes me nervous if you are getting naked in the stall next to me. So let's do the world a favor and keep our tops on when we pee. Say no to the jumpsuit!

Something Bigger

I write poetry. Sounds like a confession and it is. I don't know if it is good poetry or not. I just like doing it relaxes me, gives me some sort of outlet. And I have decided to share it. So remember I don't think I am some great poet and if you don't like poetry then skip this and we can pretend it never happened.

Something Bigger

She was supposed to do it all
Be it all
Live it, love it and leave it
Things were supposed to happen to her

Wasn't going to end like this
Be this small
Stuck in place
Trapped in a such a box
Magic never seemed to happen

Married the wrong guy, young
Not an unusual story
Didn't need to be so tragic
Didn't need to be a sad story

She was supposed to do it all
Be it all
Live it, love it and leave it
Things were supposed to happen for her

She was told she was magic
Words that played in her mind like a favorite movie
Magic means you're going to be something more
Means people will know who you are

Wasn't going to end like this
Be this small
Stuck in place
Trapped in such a box
Magic never seemed to happen

Now she only smiled in the mirror
Spreading her misery around
Thinking of how things could have been
Where she'd be, what she'd be
Instead of diapers
Instead of sleeping beside the same guy since high school
Instead of living with this constant dissatisfaction

Wasn't going to end like this
Be this small
Stuck in place
Trapped in such a box
Magic never seemed to happen

She was supposed to do it all
Be it all
Live it, love it and leave it
Things were supposed to happen for her

Moral Ambiguity

It isn’t something I have ever really thought about. I was reading a book and the main character applied to an ad that one of traits they were looking for was someone with moral flexibility. He decided it would be sexier if he was, flexible.

It did phrase these questions, in regards to one’s morality: Would you kill anyone? Steal from old people? And for me the answers are: that is situational, and not if I can help it.

The idea really made me think though. I have never thought if I am a morally flexible person. Thinking about it though I came to the same conclusion as the character – it is definitely sexier. When you think of someone isn’t morally flexible the first thing that pops into mind is a buzz kill. It isn’t someone you want to invite your awesome party- that morally rigid person. How boring do they sound? Lets invite the person who is more flexible I bet he is fun!

He might steal you TV too!

Buggy

Sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the bug.
Today I am the bug.

Factory Girl

I work in a factory. Yes, that is a right a factory that makes things and then ships them out. I can honestly say that it is the most boring job I have ever had in my life. Telemarketing would be better, I'm not kidding.

I dress in sweats everyday and go to work in a factory. A bell sounds when the work day is supposed to start and when it ends. I feel like Fred Flintstone. Yaba Dabba get me the hell out of here!!







Needless to say I know I am not someone who should be working in a factory but I am. Thanks a lot temp agency!

Did I mention I applied for an admin job and they said I was over qualified. Oh really I work in a factory over qualify that!

Ugh why does the economy have to suck? I want a good job, one that doesn't make me want to rip my eyes out...and pays all my bills...and has a chance for advancement....and.....a lot of other things.