Just a little Shut Eye

I am deep sleeper. And by deep I mean my dog sleeps with me (I know gross what about the hair, I get it I should have kicked him out when he was still a puppy. I didn't he was adorable). I have tried to break this habit numerous times, but no matter how many times I kick him off and fall asleep with him in his appropriate spot of the floor I wake up with him under the sheets. I know I let him in my sleep and have no recollections of it. I can carry on conversation I will not remember in the morning. I am a deep sleeper.

In addition to this I sleep through the night. I don't wake up to pee to get a glass of water, to check my phone to see the time. I get into bed decided to sleep (fall asleep nearly instantaneously) and don't wake up until my alarm rouses me.

So when I complain about waking up in the middle of the night and people reply that it happens all the time I wonder how they live their lives on a day to day bases. I mean a rough night of sleep and I am thrown off for the entire day.

Such a night happened to me last night. I slept horribly. I tossed and turned and felt ill. No literally felt ill. I had a cough and a sore throat and was horribly sick. So in this deluded state I thought I better just e-mail work and tell them I am not going to make it. So I sent the e-mail from my phone to my bosses work email. Falling back in t my restless slumber knowing I was in for a day at home that would be crappy due to my being sick.

However when I finally did get up from bed I was fine. No cough no sore throat nothing. Yep I dreamt I was sick!! I was hoping in my deluded sleep that I did not in fact send that e-mail (I didn't) envisioning all types of typos and garbled words (I have an awful tendency on my phone to hit the letter 'v' instead of the space bar it can make things very difficult to decipher).

So there you have it a crappy nights sleep where even when I was sleeping I was worried about work and being sick. ( I know I know you are thinking what a whiner I get up in the middle of the night all the time - but hey cut me a break think about how thrown off you'd be if you got a good nights sleep).

Everybody Poops

On occasion one must use the restroom at work. And on occasion you need to use this public facility for a bigger job. You spend the majority of your day there (at work not the bathroom), and if you’ve never needed to use the bathroom then maybe you should get something checked out.

Today happened to be one of those days. As I entered the bathroom I noted my usual stall (come on like you don’t have a preference) was locked and no one was in it. This didn’t surprise me since I had noticed the day before that the water level was low in this toilet and chance of an overflow appeared eminent. I of course reported this immediately. Nothing worse than an overflowing toilet (well being the one to instigate the catastrophic flush as opposed to a witness would be the worst). So I moved to the next stall.

I would also like to note that out of usual courtesy to my co-workers I use the toilet a floor down (I don’t know those people). Today has been a busy day so I thought I’ll get this done fast.

As I enter the stall, set the paper on the seat and prepare myself a knock happens on the door. “Maintence!” Crap I think to my self – should have seen this coming. “Someone’s in here!” Was my disgruntle reply. I was tempted to hold it and leave but….thought hey I have to go.

Needless to say when someone is waiting for your exit, it makes for some uncomfortable eye contact avoidance.

I usually keep my personal business – you know personal – but I thought in the world where a private bathroom is not always your only option you (my readers – whoever you are) might appreciate my plight.

Consignment

So I am not much of a consignment shopper, mainly because I am snobby. I smell things that aren't there, yet I am jealous of people who do score total deals. Also I think I am bitter because whenever I try to sell some of my clothes they always reject them, and I swear my clothes are better than the crap they have there all the time.

I do however thoroughly enjoy spending time with friends. So when my friend said she found the biggest consignment store in the state and asked me to tag along I was more than willing to go. I did not come prepared with clothes to sell (due to all my failed attempts in the past) I felt it wasn't worth the effort.

The two friends I went with however brought several bags between them to sell. And the reaction was fantastically humiliating.

As mentioned I am not a pro at consignment shopping, however I have tried several times, and my friends are pros, on in particular I think buy nearly everything second hand (and she has some good stuff!). I didn't find it strange that they had their things in bags.

This consignment store is all about efficiency though. They only take things on hangers - you know wrinkly clothes just don't sell. I did find the commentary unnecessary. When taking things out of my friends bag (which admittedly looked like they been living in her trunk for several weeks) they could barely conceal their sneers of disgust. And saying; "These wadded up things won't sell," was a little much.

My other friend had neatly folded her clothes and brought her hangers....rejected! Apparently sitting in the car for about an hour generates to many wrinkles as well. This leads me to believe that when I drive to work, the clothing I am wearing would be considered unacceptable.

My favorite comment was when they tried to sell shoes and the woman looked at my friend and said "Would you want to put your feet in here?" What is she supposed to say to that, well I used but not any more that's why I am trying to sell them to you.

Needless to say we walked with our heads hung down in shame, back to the car, dropped the stuff off. Then shook the humiliation off and headed back in. I mean we'd driven an hour to get there and it is the biggest consignment shop in the state!

I did not fully overcome my snobbery in regards to consignment shops (no clothes for me) but I did find this really awesome coach purse.

It was a pretty good day all in all and a good find for me!

When you know you made the right choice.

One of the most difficult purchases a person makes (after a swim suit) is jeans. They have become this all encompassing thing. You were them out at night you wear them to the market on Saturday and if they do not fit right then you might as well be wearing sweats. And if you ask anyone the most important thing you need to fit is the butt.

So I bought some new jeans recently. The pair I bought was on sale so you know that could go either way. Was I seduced by the fit or by the price? Sometimes when something is such a good deal it is a tough call.

The maiden voyage of these jeans was Friday. They went to work and then they went out with me. I didn’t think they were that flashy, just your basic medium wash, skinny jean (and not jeggings) that are super soft and stretchy so comfort was the main reason I purchased them. I thought the focus would be more on my shoes, or my jacket. The jeans stole the show.

First comment: “Hey, I never noticed that you have such a nice butt. But you have a really nice butt.” As most people would I shrugged I said “I know.” (And this was from someone I have hung out with multiple times and a dude).

Second comment: “Those guys we just walked past were totally checking your butt out.” (And they were black men – I don’t want to encourage the stereotype – but Sir Mix-A-Lot thoroughly convinced me otherwise).

Needless to say the pants were an inspired purchase. The only problem with the jeans is now I want to wear them all the time.

A Chance Encounter

After some wikipedia research this morning I discovered that there are around 6,500 DeLorean's in exsistance. To find out why this is relevant read on.

As I am exiting Starbucks, drink in hand(venti steamed hazlenut soy) I happened upon this arresting sight. A car door that doesn't open in a normal manner, instead it raises up like the wing of a bird. I ask myself could this be possible? Is this what I think it is?

A man is standing beside this door, well groomed afro, brown suit. And smiles at me I nodd good morning and wrangle myself and aforementioned into drink my car. I exit my parking space and make sure that the direction I'm heading is towards this car, the one with door like wings.

I was correct this is this mythical thing called the DeLorean and I have seen it in person.

Is it possible that the brown suited, afro'd man has headed back to the future?

Current Frame of Mind

I know I have been talking a lot about weddings and for someone who claims they don’t like anything to do with weddings 2 posts in a row is a lot.

Here’s the thing though, I have found that a wedding is does not just involve the bride and groom. It involves their family and friends. If it takes a village to raise a child I would say it takes a serious support group to get 2 two people to the altar.

I mean you have to console the bride when her hair looks awful and you have to make sure the groom knows that this is temporary insanity (hopefully) on the brides part she’ll return to the woman he proposed to.

Needless to say I am close to people who are getting married and thus the direction of my most recent posts.

Forever, ever?

There are things I avoid thinking about. Things that make me a little weird for a girl. Those things I avoid thinking about are called Weddings. For some reason I have never given much thought (until recent months) about my own wedding – my likes and dislikes. I don’t particularly like anything about weddings – except for yours it was magnificent. I don’t particularly like wedding dresses, wedding cake, flowers, ceremonies, bridesmaids – I do like tuxes but I think that has more to do with Bond than with weddings. I don’t like the amount of money people spend on weddings (mainly because I know it is silly but dread when I actually get married and want to spend twice the normal amount on my own). I don’t like the pressure of thinking you need a date. I don’t like the questions that come when you do go to a wedding single (some day that will be you. Why are you still single, you’re so pretty!? [must be my personality]). I could go on and on but I will refrain since my complaints about weddings are not what I want to address today.

I have friend who is very similar to me in her feelings about all things bridal. And she is soon to be engaged – all that is standing in her way is a ring. You’d think that would be simple right? Wrong. A ring is very important, it isn’t just for the girl it is for the boy too. He gets to show how much he loves you and you get to wear that sucker on your finger for the rest of your life. See, think about that, the rest of your life. This isn’t some ring you picked up on vacation because you liked it and it fit your finger. This is a ring that has symbolism.

An engagement ring signifies a promise, a promise wed and thus spend the rest of your life with another person. You don’t get it because you like the way it sparkles – you can get cubic zirconium for that. This ring shows the world that someone wants you, only you. It also shows the world that you want that someone back. It is a A. BIG. DEAL. Right? I mean I’m not engaged this is only what I perceive. The ring isn’t just about the wearer, it is also about the giver.

Keeping all this in mind you also have to remember that this is ring that most people will wear for the rest of their lives (hopefully), very few people feel comfortable switching up their engagement/wedding band. So this ring choice is almost like a tattoo.

A quote from my friend in the midst of the great ring debate: “… on one hand, you know the wedding, the ring, that's not the most important thing right? It's bigger than that, but yet because it is such a big deal you want the kickoff to be absolutely magical. But how do you balance the two? One part of me says it doesn't really matter, look at the bigger picutre, who really cares...I don't....but yet, I totally do.”

Now take all of this meaning and mix in a girl very concerned with fashion, and not only fashion but with being original and unique. Not wanting a ring that everyone else has. Not to mention until this very moment she hasn’t even considered what she would like to wear on that left hand for the rest of her life. You have yourself the perfect recipe for a break down.

So I have done what any sane person has mind to do I have decided that I need to start looking at “engagement rings.” Not only in the interest of helping my friend decide what it is she wants but to avoid this type of hiccup in any future courtship. I mean what if I meet the guy of my dreams and then I come to find out we can’t get “engaged” until he has a ring with which to pop the question. I mean what is a girl to do, hold off on all wedding planning until she decides on a ring and then feel rushed when planning a wedding (I personally don’t believe in long engagements – 6 months at the max).

In the interest of being proactive I think I must start planning my wedding and deciding what it is I actually like about weddings and choose that for myself. It may seem silly and a little desperate, but hey I think in the long run everyone will be happier. Less bridezilla and more happy joyful bride. The future groom should thank me.

Ettiquette

Most people have common sense when it comes to what is socially acceptable and what is not. You know it is impolite to burp at the table (in western culture). You know not to pick a wedgie when at a nice event (where people can see). You know that please and thank you are “magic words.” I guess I am making a lot of assumptions, so I certainly hope that you know these common niceties. It is all simple etiquette.

However as I expand my experiences and as such expand the number and type of people that I encounter I find that things I think are common sense when it comes to politeness are maybe too extreme for them.

Let’s take something simple like a wedding (okay weddings are anything but simple). There are a manners for weddings. When you send a gift, what you send, arrival time and these are just things that you have to worry about if you are asked to attend someone’s wedding. One area that I have always felt is simple, falls into the realm of what NOT to wear to a wedding (it is often difficult for me to figure out what to wear). There are two things I know are inappropriate. The first of these are jeans, especially holey jeans. I mean people are joining their lives together jeans are just not appropriate (there are occasions where this could be broken: a wedding on a ranch or where the invite specifically says that jeans are permissible). If you wear jeans to a wedding you are showing a lack of respect for the bride and groom, and their family. Basically you look like you belong in the back country riding around on a tracker (not that there is anything wrong with that but is that really the impression you want to give to all of the people present at this party?).

There is in one rule in wedding day attire that is very clear and should never be crossed. White. The only person who should wear white or anything in the white family (ivory, champagne, off-white ect) is the bride. If you are going to a wedding resist wearing anything that resemble that of a bride (whether this be a dress for a bride getting married for the first time or second marriage dress). Bridal clothes are for the bride.

I always thought this was simple and clear.

If you show up in a bridal (white) dress you are going to look like a fool, a fool with no class and desperate to boot. Not to mention a complete and total bitch. I mean this is the bride’s day are you so insecure that you have to wear white too? Also you better watch your back, people will have noticed the white. The bride has friends (they’re called bridesmaids) and these brides are wearing matching dresses and are pissed on the brides behalf (not to mention that some of them may be pissed in the British sense of being a bit tipsy). So you better watch out for the maid of honor headed your way with that glass of red wine. That smile may look friendly but really it is feral and you’ll be wearing that wine when other bridesmaid “accidentally” bumps into the maid of honor from behind.

Why don’t you save yourself some heart ache and not wear the white dress to the wedding. Although on second thought that’s a show I’d like to see, so wear white and make it floor length.

Better than a Cup of Jo

I run. I run in the morning. I run in the morning, outside on the pavement.

Most mornings there is nothing to see just the cars as they drive by and the bicyclists as they nod their heads in greeting on their way to work. Sometimes there are other runners that speed by or walkers that I pass. Generally the most exciting thing on my morning runs is the conversation and the occasional squirrel. This past week though has been full of excitement.

Along the road I run on there is construction. There are the usual things you expect to see like traffic cones, big machines that do who knows what, dirt and gravel. There is also a porta-potty (that is always unlocked when we run by although there are no workers on duty yet). My current a.m. running partner likes to tell me her bodily needs and so I usually point out that if her needs are great, a place to go has been provided. Assuming of course that she can deal until we return to her house, and so far she has.

One morning as we are running a car pulls up by the toilet. I thought it was one of the construction workers and didn’t really think anything of it until a woman got out made a bee line for the porta potty, and I can only guess, made use of the facilities. She exited and got in her car and right back on the road. So in case you need a toilet I guess those ones on the side of the road are (always?) unlocked.

So when I am running I am aware of cars, bikers, runners and the occasional pit stopper. However I can’t tell who is in the car nor do I really care. I really am in the zone, loud noises startle me. I haven’t met a runner yet who appreciate a shout out or a car honk as they are running. It’s startling and makes my heart jump. Also I can’t tell if it is a warning honk or a happy honk. I met with my least favorite “shout out” this morning.

I am at the point in the run where I know I have a little further to go I can’t see the finish but I know I will soon. I am focused on my need to get home and shower and get to work. My friend and I aren’t even talking just running. And this car drives by and rolls down the window and decides to show me what a douche bag he and his passenger are. In a piercing yell the passenger shouts out “SLUT!” Not only is this offensive (and untrue) it’s annoying as hell.

I mean honestly I have no clue who you are. I doubt that I have done anything that qualifies me as a slut (or my running friend for that matter). And shouting profanities at women trying to get their run on shows what a loser you are. I’m not sure if you were thinking that we were walk of shaming it, since we were in running clothes and we were you know running. Or if you think you knew us and thus honestly think that yelling at two women running first thing in the morning is the best way to start your day. I know it isn’t my favorite way to start my day. So thanks for that d-bags in the white car hope your day sucked

Common Sense

There are many things in this day and age that are difficult to navigate. Things are different than when our grandparents navigated the same waters were are swimming in now. There are differences from our parents as well. Some of these are choices we make in regards to the environment, recycling conservation and the like, are things that aren’t new to us they are accepted. We know about the dangers that tuna presents to dolphins and we buy our cans accordingly. We’ve stopped getting the paper and get our news from the internet – not only does it save on paper but it’s faster too.

We buy more hi-tech gear. Gone are the days when it is was acceptable to wear any only tennis shoes running. Now shoes are specialized. Something for each sport, for each foot. We have more choices and those choices need to be the right choice. If I purchase the wrong athletic gear I won’t be performing at my top potential. And this is essential I mean now that I am in my late 20’s it is time for me to make my move on the sporting world, right?

We have gone from casual Fridays to jeans on Fridays to casual everyday and in some offices jeans every day. So I understand it is hard to keep up with this world and what is the right choice to make, the appropriate choice. Like the right shoes there is a situation that you find yourself in and you need to make the right purchase to excel in that situations. So I ask you this is wearing a romper to an office the right choice. A romper, for those of who don’t know, is a one piece article of clothing that includes shorts and usually a strapless top. It can come in many different fabrics and colors, it remains shorts and top combined into one thing. Please see the example below.

Surprisingly, I like the romper. I think it seems great as a swimsuit cover up or to go out dancing in. I do not think it is the right choice for the office. It is like wearing basketball shoes to play soccer in. Something that isn’t comfortable and you will most definitely regret.

I understand with so many choices and option in the world today and with the lowering of restrictions in the work place it might be hard to decide what is the right thing to wear.

My advice is to look around, what is everyone else wearing? Shorts and tanks tops? Then feel free to wear the romper (you should only wear a romper to the work if you are a baby that works! So I guess if you work with babies this could be confusing). If people are wearing suits and professional attire, perhaps a pair of khakis? The romper is the wrong choice. You wouldn’t wear flip flops on a five mile run would you?

I understand the fear of the previous generations. The romper has justified this for me. If we loosen up a little bit what can we expect next?

Come on romper wearer, please don’t ruin it for the rest of us, I like my casual Fridays!

Dedication

I like to run, okay run – jog – walk whatever. Anyway I like to get outside and move my body. I prefer to do it with someone, I like the company and it actually motivates me to get my butt off the couch. I do really like to run by myself or with my dog, but sometimes that just isn’t enough of a motivation.

I had a running partner and we would try to go 3 days a week and do 5 miles in the morning before work, we were pretty good at it and to make up for any missed days we would schedule a longer Saturday run. I got a point where I didn’t run consistently I went nuts and drove everyone around me nuts (kind of like a dog that desperately needs to go to the park). Then she got pregnant, and then I got a job that started earlier in the morning, then she moved away to another state and then I stopped running.

Sad tragic story isn’t it. Don’t worry it goes on.

At this point I have pretty much stopped running I probably went by myself like once or twice a month. Pitiful. I have however developed a reputation as a runner. I don’t think I could consider myself a runner at this point I mean I wasn’t running. I needed new running shoes, but couldn’t justify the purchase if I wasn’t really putting the miles on them.

I also have a friend who is getting married soon. She likes to talk about how much she needs to work out and eat better and lose weight before the wedding. She doesn’t really do much about it, mainly talks about it while eating a pint of ice cream or hitting up Burgerville (a meal, that Burgerville so helpfully provides with caloric intake – it was a 2000 calorie meal). So she is a lot of talk. This is fine for me since I am too.

Actual 2000 calorie Meal

Then this all changed, we went for a nice walk one Sunday night and decided that all this is changing, we are going to start running. Tomorrow. So I wake up the next morning at 5:45, get dressed and head over to her house at 6. The plan was to do 3 miles. I was supposed to measure this distance in my car the night before. I forgot to set my odometer at the right point shrugged my shoulders and figured running further wouldn’t hurt us.

So day one we go and run the whole thing. Day 2 she wants to time it. I can’t let her bring her iphone to measure the distance, so I time us. And then she thinks that we ran 13 minute miles. At this point I have to come clean, I mean 13 minute miles, you walk that. She was a bit miffed but ran the four miles the rest of the week.

Alright week 2. Not as good as week 1, skip Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday morning but with a promise we will run Thursday night. So I get dressed in my gear. I’m taking the dog since due to random rainstorms that are generally happening at night he hasn’t been to the park for a few days. It is also a bit rainy not to bad but it is night so I grab my safety vest and one for the dog (yes that right he has a vest – what? Like he should get hit by a car?) and head over to her house.

We head out not raining to badly. And then when we are already at the turn around point the skies open up and gift us with a shower. A cold, thorough and long shower.

I got the point where I was not avoiding puddles, there wasn’t any point my shoes and socks were already wet thru. The dog was mad (he hates the rain). But we kept on, mainly because we had no option. We didn’t stop once to walk and we ran faster than we had any morning without rain. So I guess the rain did something I should probably calculate the additional weight of my wet clothes as an extra to the workout.

Oh and we are almost back to the house when a car drives by and nails a puddle. Thanks, I don’t know if it was possible for me to get anymore wet but I hadn’t been nailed in the face with a wall of water yet.

We get back to her house and her fiancée, is there yeah that’s right he didn’t come and pick us up just laughed about how wet we must be getting. Thanks, dude.

We’re dedicated though we went Friday morning.

Although you want to know the worst thing about taking up running? It wasn’t the rain. Or the fact that the next morning my shoes were still soaking wet and my hair was damp as well. It’s the fact that my friend (the one who eats 2000 calorie meals) announced that since we have started running she’s lost 3 pounds. Me? I’ve lost nothing.

You Almost got a Pass

I was out at lunch today and the overwhelming urge to be a private eye came over me. Or at least be able to take decent photos of people, when they have no clue that you are taking them.

So there I am enjoying a brief sun break when this guy starts getting out of the car, ass first. At first I thought it was a chick. I mean the butt that was coming toward me was a sweat suit, a velour covered one. I mean what would you think? I mean a velour sweat suit!? What guy would wear that? Well I am sure you can guess, that this was not a girl, woman - whatever this person was, it was not of the female gender.

It was dude sporting a velour track suit!

And then he pulled out a pair of crutches, and I thought okay you are injured I give you a pass on the fashion faux pas.

Then it was like brakes screeching in my head. Sure this guy would get a pass for wearing sweats, he's injured.

And then I remembered the velour part of the jump suit. Why does he even own this objectionable piece of clothing?

Not only is he a he wearing a velour track suit, he is wearing it like at least 5 years to late. I still would have judged a woman wearing this ensemble.

I would like to shout out to people still sporting this look, do you really think you look cool and put together? You don't you look like you belong in 2002. So just stop and welcome to the new decade!

Am I what Trouble Looks like?

I guess this is the only thing I can really come to believe.

People are always telling me to be careful and safe. I mean always. And people that I barely know. I started a new job a few weeks ago and the first week I was leaving, on Friday. I said good bye see you Monday, as you do, to my co-worker. Her response to my, "Have a great weekend!" was a "Be safe!"

I mean I am pretty sure I told her my plans for the weekend included church and going to a movie with friends. I mean how much trouble could I get into?

It isn't just this incident, it has been all my life. People are constantly telling me to be careful and safe (and not just my parents).

What is it about me that make people concerned with my well being? I don't feel like I am living on the edge (I know I'm not). I don't do super crazy things (well not crazy to me at least).

What is it about me that screams DANGER!
TROUBLE follows this one?

Or am I totally misinterpreting this?

Ugh Change the Station

You know those songs that you hate. And there isn't really any concrete reason for it? Sure the lyrics are ridiculous, most songs' are, and the tune isn't amazing or ground breaking but nothing truly offensive about it. Yet something about it just grates.

Right now that song is "According to You" by Orianthi. I hate that song. HATE it.

Generally speaking it is just you typical pop song about hating on an ex and finding someone who loves you for you. You know typical pop song. However the lyrics grate and I can't help but think about the logical of the situation.

Here is the gist of the song. She, the singer, had this ex who thought she was dumb unattractive and basically worthless. Umm....here's a question why the hell would you date someone like that let alone, hang out with them. I have met people like that in my life and you know how much time I spend with them? As little as humanly possible. You know what life is hard enough without being around those kind of people.

In addition to dating this crappy guy she also is writing an entire song telling him that she found someone who thinks she is great. Well okay that's awesome and all but why are you STILL hung up on the guy that treated you like crap 9otherwise why are you writing a song too him)? I mean he didn't like you when he was with you, what makes you think he cares that you found someone? Also he probably thinks your new guy is an idiot.

I mean honestly the whole things bugs. A guy thinks you are the scum of the earth still dates you and in response you write him a song? He doesn't care.

Although apparently I do, enough to rant about it.

(I refuse to post the video - if you must listen then search on your own).

Oh Sorry You're Never Getting Out of There

Boy/Girl relationships are weird. Sometimes good weird, sometimes just plain weird. I have coined a new term (well new for me)...the "Asexual Box." I feel like it is pretty self explanatory - but then again anytime I think that people totally misunderstand me.

So for those of you who don't get it; the Asexual Box is the place you go when I know that that I will never have any desire to hook up with you. This box does come in different forms; there is the "I love you like a Brother," "You are my Brother," "You are Married/Engaged/In a Serious Relationship with my best friend," "You are way to old for me," "Hello, you are my boss," "I'm really Just not Attracted to you, Sorry" and then of course, the "Just Friends Box." In all of these cases I have pretty much stopped thinking of you as a sexual being.

I think a lot of girls are like this. They are able to categorize the opposite sex into those they would possibly do and those they would not. (I know that guys are totally different).

For me at least it would take a lot for you to work your way out of the Asexual Box I have placed you in. For some it would be impossible. For some of you dudes out there that box is sealed so tightly shut there metal that constructs the box is soldered closed.

I know you might thinks that's harsh. Is it because you find yourself in one of my Asexual Boxes?

Anyway, the thing about these boxes is that I assume I am in a corresponding one for you. If I love you like a brother I figure you love me like a sister.... I hope you get the point. In my mind here we are having this boy/girl relationship with no sexual tension, laughing and joking and hanging out. I assume you feel nothing because I feel nothing. Well by nothing I mean I really don't want you making your way across the couch and try to kiss me.

If a situation presents itself where I realize the Asexual Box I have been residing in is made more of cardboard than metal and I could bust out of there at any moment. In fact it is possible the Asexual box you have me in is more like the ones mimes are in. I'm not going to lie it perplexes me.

I am the kind of person that is really good at putting people in categories and leaving them there. If you are married then you cease to have any appeal to me. I mean you are married! Even if you are just someones boyfriend I can accept that. I have never read that as a challenge to try and steal you away.

So when I find out that I have shifted column from Asexual to sexual I am a little confused as to how that happened. And then I worry if you feel like maybe you've broken out of your box. The answer to that question is no you haven't. Not to say that some people don't reside in a middle box the "Sexual w/o Possibilities Box." There is something there and I don't mind the idea of you trying to make a move on me but it's be better for our friendship if you didn't (this box never includes dudes that are taken).

I realize that as a woman my ideas on this are totally different that a guys. I mean what boxes do you have. Will she let me or won't she?

Not that I don't think that guys and girls can't be friends, on a purely platonic level. I honestly believe it is 100% possible. Is there a chance that one might want more from the relationship? Yes. However if you are clear from the being and the other person involved isn't delusional thinking that no means yes, then absolutely boys and girls can be friends.

Just be clear, a nice "I would NEVER date you," should be sufficient.

Does my ass look big in this?

Well, honey, I'm not sure if fat is what I would say, I can see your ass in that. And by I see I mean I think you need some new pants. When they say running tights they don't literally mean tights. Running tights are just really tight work out pants. like leggings but thicker and less see through.

I know I recently have mentioned people a the gym not wearing clothes, and this incident didn't happen at the gym. I ran in a race, one of those events that you sign up for and people go nuts for.

The person with the see through pants, wasn't trying to dress crazy like many people were, there was a guy in a teletubby costume. No this woman who I happen to be keeping pace right behind, where just wearing the see through pants, a regular long sleeved shirt and a tiara. If you had seen other people then you would know that she was tame in comparison. A guy blew past me sweating profusely but don't worry his wig and head band stayed firmly in place. I also don't think she was or is the worst offender (see previous post regarding becoming familiar with your fellow gym members waxing preferences).

Needless to say I feel safe in my criticism here. I debated for those five miles if I should tell her her pants are see through I mean surely she didn't know, right? And I thought I would want someone to tell me wouldn't I?

I have to confess I did not tell her. Something similar had happened to me once. I have this sweater dress and I usually wears leggings, or skinny jeans with it, it is covers my butt but is in that length where you ask your self shirt or dress (usually I go with shirt if that is a possible question). One time I wore it and thought you know I bet tights will be fine, they are opaque, it'll be like leggings. Well the butt part of the leggings was light pink and the sweater is a wider knit and this my ass was revealed. I was told but couldn't really do anything about it. And thus for the rest of the day at WORK, I had to be very conscientious of my ass. (I would like it to be noted I did check this out in the mirror before I left home. I need better lighting in my room).

So I decided not to tell her, I mean what is she going to do about it? Nothing, but she would know her ass was revealed and feel stupid for the rest of their race. Hopefully her friends told her on their way home last night.

So when you wonder what I did Sunday morning, it was stare at ass for 5 miles straight.

Gym Rat

Recently I joined a gym. I joined one that has classes and a pool. I have belong to gyms before. The most recent one was more of a hippy kind of gym.

There was a patron there who I swear had been working out in the same shirt for the last 20 years. It was slowly falling apart from the bottom, and he wore those shorty running shorts that older guys sometimes wear. I would like to note that though the guy was definitely older he did have six-pack abs. So he'd been working out a lot over the years, and the shirt showed it. I worked out there for months and no one ever really talked to me, which I was fine with. I don't go to the gym for conversation.

My new gym on the other had is a totally different scene. My first day there I was wandering around checking things out, the work out machines, etc. I had not worked out yet, and was just walking around waiting for my class to start. This guy walks up to me, now let me give the full picture on him. He is shorter, not terribly fit, but not crazy outta shape, wearing a white t-shirt, black sweat pants and a black and white checkered scarf tied around his head. No not a bandanna type scarf the long rectangular kind. You like you wrap around your neck on a cold day. He gives me a head nod and then I move on. In my lap around the weight room, we meet again and he asks how my work out is going. I said good, even though I hadn't been working out.

I head into the class I was waiting for and he follows me in. Okay I don't know if he followed me in, but he came in shortly after I did. And then he barely made it through 15 minutes of the class.

This event has not deterred me from the gym though. I have returned and I am trying to take classes. Something that I think is important to note is that I played sports as a kid. Soccer, basketball, volley ball etc. I did not take dance classes. And now things are difficult for me in aerobic classes. I have gone to this Hip Hop Dance class and I suck. And there are people that are really freaking good, by the end of the class I can barely remember the steps we learned in the first 10 minutes let alone, put the whole thing together at the end.

The thing I most want to talk about it the out fit I was stuck behind today in Kickboxing. The girl had obviously taken the class before, she knew all the moves was really working it, and getting into the class, which good for her. I am glad she was enjoying her work out. You know what I wasn't enjoying about that class was standing behind her in her short shorts and basically seeing her lady bits.

I don't know how much you know about kickboxing but there is a kick that you do behind you and when you do this properly certain parts of you could be exposed. That is you are not wearing the right kind of bottom attire. She was wearing indecent bottom attire. And I couldn't look away. It was really ruining my work out, I was concerned what the people behind me could see and I was wearing pants!

I'll keep you posted on all the crazies I see at the gym, I have a feeling scarf guy and Miss I'm not ashamed of my lady parts will only be the beginning.

Dear Man with the Staring Problem and Girlfriend,

I guess this shouldn't just be addressed to you, this is to all the guys that have a staring problem. Admittedly I find it pretty amusing and somewhat flattering when guys check me out, so thank you. However you sir in particular you took up a notch.

For those of you reading this open letter let me give you some salient points. It was a Saturday morning, before 9:00 a.m. I have little makeup on, and have not showered and I should have since I went hot tubing the night before, also the night before I stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning watching "Gossip Girl." Also I am wearing the same clothes I put on after work, I did not sleep in these clothes. And these clothes are led Zeppelin T-shirt that is not tight and is a crew neck. Some skinny jeans boots a long cardigan and a huge scarf. So not that I looked horrible, I just wasn't looking super fantastic. I was grabbing a morning steamed soy milk, with hazelnut syrup and waiting for my drink, with a friend.

And then you walked in, with your lady friend. I can only assume you were in some sort of relationship with her, it was before nine in the morning. You looked me up and down not once not twice, but several more times than that. Also there was prolonged staring. I wold also like to note for those of you who know me well, I was not being loud and or disruptive. I was talking with my friend in a normal-ish manner, just waiting for our morning beverages.

I have the habit of shrugging this type of stuff off, because a. what am I going to say to this stranger? "Stop looking at me?" b. I will be out of the coffee shop shortly so I can handle it for a few minutes.

Here is where I have issues. I made eye contact with him. Just a straight forward look in the eye. I really couldn't figure out why he was staring at me. And he starts acting all guilty. So I think whatever weirdo. And move on with my life.

Then this same thing happened a few times throughout the week (I must have been wearing the right clothes are something). And I start making eye contact with all these guys. I mean you were looking at me? Why is it so weird that I start looking at you? You were not being subtle about checking me out, so why are you acting all weird about it? You obviously are either really bad at it or you wanted me to catch you.

I don't really have anything else to say about this just if you are going to stare/check out girls accept that she might make eye contact with you. Also maybe you shouldn't check out a girl quite so intensely if you are with your girl, that is just plain awkward.

Love and Kisses,

Dagny

Action!

My roommate in college came up with this concept, idea, whatever and I still to this day find myself doing it.

Here is how it all started, well from what I know, maybe she had been doing this for years and she never told anyone until me. She was walking across campus and it was a whatever kind of day. I don't remember it being fabulous or horrible or any of those types of things that make a day stick out. It was just your regular run of the mill trek across campus. If I recall she was feeling a little blah.

Then she came up with this concept to fight the blahs and feel a little better about herself. She thought what if there was a camera filming me right now? How would I walk? How would this cross campus walk look? What would I be doing differently if there were camera's here right now? And then; "3-2-1 ACTION!" Was born. She didn't just think this thought she acted on it. And you know what the answer to that question was; she walked a little taller, with more purpose, she stopped looking at her feet straightened her shoulders and put a little swagger in her step.

And then she came home and asked if she was crazy, her sister had told she was a little weird. I disagreed I thought it was a great idea. So anytime were were doing anything and we felt like we needed a little something more. One of us would turn to the other and say action. And just like BAM, we were super stars. Sure it might have been a little fake but eventually that over bright smile became a little more natural and we laughed at stupid things. I mean how do you act when you are doing homework and there is a camera on you? Or when you are washing your face?

Right now - ACTION! Did you just sit up a little straighter, debate about biting your finger nails as you read, brush your hair back or arrange yourself on your bed a little more coquettishly. I did and I am sitting her typing in some patterned green leggings, an over sized grey shirt I either sleep in or work out in (it read reads "Friday Harbor" across the front), and hair fresh from the shower. Definitely not a film worthy outfit.

So if you are feeling a little down and your walk is need of something extra then think "3-2-1 ACTION!" and you will be that much closer to your movie star moment. I know I''' be thinking about it on my next stroll from my desk to the bathroom. My [ponytail will have that extra bounce it needs to really complete my outfit.

Mystery Solved

It isn't any secret that I love fashion magazines. I generally love all women's magazines, well I'm not a huge "Good Housekeeping" fan, but I'll check it out if it available. Gossip Mags are fine, but I really love those fashion magazines, the ones with ridiculous clothes and articles about arty movies, and the like. So my favorites, since I am sure you are wondering are; "Vogue," "W," "Harper's Bazaar," and "Elle." And then there is what I like to consider a subculture of the Fashion Magazines, the women's magazines, the ones that are really intended for your single girl, in her mid twenties to mid whenever she stops wanting to reading the articles on how and where to catch a man.

These magazine amuse and annoy me. They really don't have a category. There are fashion spreads, articles on what are the latest and greatest books, movies and music to check out, health and beauty articles, workouts you name it is probably in there. There is one type of article they are particularly known for, sex articles.

The best part of these is the headlines on the cover they are generally ridiculous. Although they are effective you do want to flip the magazine open and see what they have to say. I personally think that "Cosmopolitan" is the best of these magazines. Take a look at the current cover with Carrie Underwood on the cover.

If you look there in the upper left hand corner you can see the headline, tag line whatever; "How to touch a Naked Man."

Now I don't want to talk about how these articles are making us as women feel inferior if we aren't attached to a man, I think that has been covered by people who feel passionately about that subject (besides the point that I think that it is women that buy these magazines by choice - if you don't like it don't buy it).

Anyway, what I want to talk about is how ludicrous these articles are. I cannot speak for the particular article, "How to touch a naked man" but I have read multiple articles like this before mainly for the very reason I want to know what they had to say. I mean can you tell me honestly that you have no desire to see what someone wrote on how to touch a naked man. I mean how did they fill up an entire age on this?

After seeing this cover I have done an informal interview of men in my acquaintance just to see if I was completely erroneous in my assumption. I wasn't apparently it is simple, just touch him. I just saved you $3.95. I can' say there aren't better suggestions in there I haven't read it and I probably won't.

I have read my fare share of articles like this though so I am pretty sure that I will be just fine not reading this article. I mean I read the one about what guys are thinking. And I don't want to say that men are transparent, I honestly don't think they are, but when you break the article into what they are thinking in certain situations it really isn't that hard to figure out. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I read an article that told me what men are thinking when they watch porn, yep that is right apparently there are people/women out there who don't know.

I could go on and on about the different topic that they have, "The hour men most want sex" who knew there was one hour more than all the others? I think on every cover of Cosmo there is the word "sex" in extremely large font. And lets be honest once you or I read the article it really isn't all that fabulous. It never enlightens me to something I didn't either know, suspect or really cared about in the first place.

Just in case you were wondering what that article about what he most wants to see you wearing don't bother (he wants to see you in nothing) it isn't going to give you the answers you really seek.

Harumika

I know what?! Right? I was browsing the doll section at Target the other day. I like to keep up on what barbie is wearing and wondering what career choice I should be aiming for. Anyway I happen upon the most terrifying doll I have ever seen. Okay maybe not scarier than Chucky, but this is still completely creepy. It is called Harumika. And it looks like the this:

I don't know how well you can see the face on this doll. Zoom in if you can. She has no eyes and no hair and a wig.

It is supposed to be a doll that increases creativity, you create the clothes she wears with the fabric provided and there is a slit in her back that you can "lock" the fabric in better with. But she has no face, just a white doll, they are called mannequins so I guess they aren't going for your typical doll, but they do have names, so I'm confused.

I don't really get the point either, or maybe I'm just not that creative. How much can you do with a strip of cloth that doesn't involve sewing. I mean you can reuse it again and again, so there is that, but you can't really make pants or anything and from what I have observed, watching the video provided on the website ( www.harumika.com). I mean it seems like I was a. already doing this with my Barbie's and I would rather get more clothes.

It is just a creepy, creepy doll.

Happy Happy Valentine's

You probably don't know this but I am going to tell you anyway. I LOVE Valentine's Day! I know weird right? For a single girl to not be all bitter about it, right? Honestly though I do like it. There are hearts and pink everywhere. And there's candy! Maybe that's why I like it I have a soft spot for conversation hearts. And I really do love conversation hearts.

One thing I also like are cheesy loves songs. I had a friend in college and she just loved love songs. If people asked her what type of music she liked the answer was loves songs. Pop, country, rock whatever it was as long as it was a love song she liked it. So here are some love songs that will make you smile. At least they make me smile.

On my way to work today I heard this little gem.



And I also heard this the other day and found it enjoyable. Not the best song but I still like it. The beginning of the video is pretty good too.



Man why are love songs so awesome - especially the horrible ones? I'm not saying there aren't any good loves songs out there. There are. Well all know some of them and probably disagree about others. I just think that cheesy songs fit better for the holiday.

I do like the following as a long song though. Just the right amount of cheese with some heart.



And finally via an Outcast shout out I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day! Embrace the cheese and fall in love with Valentine's Day!

Aren't you afraid that your Mother will read that? No, okay then.

I like rap/hip-hip/R &B music. There is one thing that fascinates me about it though. The lyrics that they write. Well I assume they are written and the artist isn't just in the studio and spouting off random words (I am not a hundred percent convinces of this - WHAT!? I'm looking at you Lil Jon, OKAY!)

What constantly astounds me are the content of the lyrics they do write, the sexual nature of them. Did the rapper overhear a conversation and think great I can write a whole song based on this. For example a personal favorite from the summer, "Birthday Sex." Yes, the lyrics are pretty horrible they include this line "Don't need candles or cake just need your body to make...Birthday Sex." Yes, it is literally a song about giving a girl nothing but sex for her birthday which I am sure she loved, more than presents.

My question is where does that lyric come from? Were you thinking about what to get you girl for her birthday and were like hmmm..... jewelry might be nice, nah. What about a nice dinner, nope she eats all the time. I got it! I'll give her sex! And then where does the jump go to writing a song about it.

There are hundreds of options for this idea; "from the window to the wall to the sweat drop down my balls." I mean honestly you just wrote about balls!!! How do you do that?

I also love the songs that seem all romantic and nice and then you listen to the lyrics....

Just in case you missed it, the hook to this is "I want to make love in this club." I mean really? How romantic and sweet is that?

I just want to know the thought process behind these songs. Does it go something like this; does it talk about women? check. Does it address how much I want them in bed? check. Does it include taking clothes off? check. Will it make my mom uncomfortable to hear me singing these lyrics in a concert, on the radio or any other public forum? Absolutely. And bingo folks we have a hit!

It isn't that all songs are like this some of them are very clever. "Treat you like you're from Milwaukee, send you Green Bay Packin" Okay maybe not the most clever line but it always makes me smile. Also this one, "I'm roasting marshmallows on a fire, and what I'm burning is your attire."

In all honesty I really do love this music even when it is crappy, then it is just makes me laugh at the ridiculousness of it and it is always great to dance to.

Probably

So if you are a long time reader you know I occasionally post poetry that I write. I don't know if it any good or not I just put it up there and then move on with my life. I don't even post all the poetry I write, I don't have a solid reasoning for why I choose the ones that I do.

Phrases pop into my head and I write them down and wait until I can write the rest of the poem that goes along with that phrase. They also don't all relate to my life, some do and some don't. The other thing I do is that I always date them, at least when I start them.

The following one I started 1.12.09 and finished 9.2.09. Nine full months before I remembered/found this in one of my numerous notebooks. As far as if this poem relates to me or some random version of myself, I'll let you decide. (I have no clue why I felt the need for this introduction - well whatever).

Probably

Probably should have kissed you
Should have taken that chance
Risked just a little
Instead I played it safe

Never was one to jump in
Always needed to test the water first
Like to know the odds before I place my bet
Never was one to jump in
Always waiting for the right moment
A perfect situation

Probably should have kissed you
Should have taken that chance
Risked just a little
Instead I played it safe

Always wanted everything perfectly in place
Sunrise, Sunset
A perfect time of day
The stars never seemed to line up
Wanted the feeling to be just right
Committed as much as me
Never felt you like I thought I should

Probably should have kissed you
Should have taken that chance
Risked just a little
Instead I played it safe

Now you're gone
I'm trying to forget
Those missed opportunities
Stolen glances I should have read better
Moments that are lost don't matter
Guess this is goodbye for now
Next time I won't think so much

Probably should have kissed you
Should have taken that chance
(Found out what'd happen)
Risked just a little
Instead I played it safe

Now I live in the past
Missed moments
Present regrets

Probably should have kissed you


Well hope that wasn't too tortuous.

Unsupportable

So I have a confession, I like Rob Thomas, I like Matchbox 20. There I said it. I however do not like this.

I mean honestly what is that picture? It makes me think that any money I pay for this album will go directly to his heroin habit and I don't support drugs.

It that Really Necessary?

I was listening to the radio this morning and it made me think. I heard this clip; "really I was just looking for an excuse to break up with him." There are 2 things about this that bother me. Her boy friend ended up cheating on her with her best friend; first of all you are staying with a guy who would cheat on you. Why? Seems like reason enough to me. Also she has a crappy best friend. However why does someone need a reason to break up? So three things.

I don't mean break up because things are going great and you are super in love with the person. I mean the, I'm just not feeling this anymore, the thrill is gone (this does not apply to people who are married, you are committed in my mind - there was a point when you in love so work on things). I am talking about dating someone. I get this idea in theory, no one wants to be the jerk that dates people and then breaks up with them for no explainable reason. And it would totally suck to be dumped like that. However if the person you are dating can't explain why they don't want to be with you they just know that they don't, wouldn't you rather be dumped rather than marry someone who isn't a hundred percent crazy about you? (And I mean normal healthy crazy, not I want to skin you and wear you as a coat crazy.)

I think in the short term it would suck hard core to be dumped like this but in the long run...
so much better.

The question remains; how do you break up with someone when all you really want to say is - Hey, I like you as a person and you are great, I just don't want to hook up with you anymore, cool? Lame but true.

Unacceptable

The other day I was shopping at the mall and I saw a shoe that I believe to be an affront to women's feet everywhere. No, it was not the crocs, those are affront to every one's feet, men women, children and my eyes.

Here they are:

I know you are probably thinking; But Dagny they sparkle there are sequins, they look fun and kicky, I want them! Well I wold ask you what the hell was on the toe of your shoes. Is that a bow some lopped sequined fabric? What is it? Why does it not lay flat?

You probably can't tell how awful they really are, so if you want a closer look go to Nordstrom.com and look at Kate Spade's women's shoes and zoom in. There are more touches that make the shoes not cute, the brown piping, but mainly it is just that thing sitting on top of where the toes are.

I may have offend some of you think these shoes are great, and I'm not sorry. They are just not cute. In the interest of full disclosure I have to admit that I don't really like Kate Spade to begin with. I know she has bright colors and whatnot, but she is so basic and plain. I know that is kind of the point but I just can't get behind that with my money.

And I know that I really dislike these shoes.

Time for a Change?

After having candy (twizzler nibs, peanut butter m&m's, regular m&m's and conversation hearts) popcorn with real butter for dinner tonight I think it might be time for me to eat better.

Here is an example of a typical menu for me:

Breakfast - Greek yogurt, banana, honey and grape nuts mixed together ( I know sounds good right) Okay this is true maybe 3 days a week on the other's I am usually hitting up Burger King for a croussanwich.

Lunch - Either Arby's, Taco Bell or Burger King.


Dinner - I don't usually eat dinner. I do have some snacks around 5; chips, fruit snacks, and oreo's.

So there you go, I eat what a 12 year old boy dreams of being allowed to. Well, I am missing the pepperoni pizza.


So I guess it is time that I start eating like a grown up. Right?

FYI

If you forgot/misplace your wallet you cannot pay with a check at Taco Bell.

And people in line behind you will look at you like a crazy person.

Thought you'd like to know.

She's Watching You

I have this friend and she is pretty freaking hilarious and a little nuts but that is probably why i like her. She also apparently fancies herself a spy. So we are out to dinner a few nights ago and she tells me this fantastic story about how crazy she is. I love it so I have to share it.

She is working on a project with some co-workers and one of them insists that he has to leave at 5:30 he cannot stay later. This strikes her as odd since he always stays at the office late. Although she doesn't dwell to much on it until she goes to leave.

In the parking lot is another co-worker sitting on her phone in her car. I know doesn't sound like much of a crazy coincidence does it? As background story the female is married and recently promoted, she works under the guy who had to leave at 5:30. (Note from here on out they man will be referred to as 5:30 and the girl as Married - cause she is). Still my friend thought she has picked up some weird vibes between 5:30 and Married she doesn't think a lot about it until she notices the direction Married is headed out of the work parking lot.

What does my non-normal, non-sane friend do? She FOLLOWS Married. Yep, she follows her.

(Next step getting that camera for concrete evidence)

Apparently she, my friend know where 5:30 lives. And that is where Married is going. My friend already has an excuse in place in case Married questions her, she was just heading to her mom's house. Like my friend is the one with adultery problems, a cover story is just safer I guess.

Now you are probably thinking this is the end of the story, nope. She, my friend follows up the following by bringing up the exact same scenario she believes her co-workers to be engaged in as a story about a friend of hers. Just to gage Married and 5:30's reaction.

I love my crazy ass friends!

A Letter to the Girl Working at Noah's Bagels

Dear Blonde Chick with the Evening Eye Make-up,

I know you think you are pretty cool and cute. I'm not saying you aren't, I am saying this thought. You aren't fooling anyone. I know they are fake. And by they I mean your earrings.

I don't want to say never, but I am saying it. Those Chanel earrings are total knock offs. You were wearing a zip up fleece, it wasn't a Northface. There is no way you could afford those earrings.

So I have this question for you, why are you wearing earrings that are so obviously fake? You could have worn the standard cubic zirconium studs and I would never have noticed. Instead you had to flash that Chanel logo in my face. And make me want to write you this letter.

It isn't just you I would be annoyed with anyone wearing logo earrings. I honestly hate logo anything; bags, jewelry, pants, shoes. i just can't support it. I feel like it lacks creativity.

Anyway back to you. How do I know they are fake? Well aside from the non-name fleece there is the glaringly obvious fact that you are working at Noah's Bagels. It is possible you have a moneyed boyfriend, but wouldn't you parlay that into a Nordstrom career?

That's really all I have to say. Have a good shift, and keep it light on my cream cheese!

Your Friend,

Dagny

New Year New Attitude

There has been something that I have been noticing about people, they have really bad attitudes. I don't mean that they are rude or anything like that, though some are, I mean that people have this sense of entitlement. They think that if things don't go their way then they should just give up. Then they become a little bitter.

I'm not saying that I don't get a little bitter or that I don't want to give up. And yeah, everyday does seem like a battle some weeks. What am I supposed to do though, roll over and play dead? Let life kick me in the ass? You have to keep on keepin'.

Why do we give up so easily? Life isn't easy, life is hard. We can each make a choice though do we wallow in the suckiness? Or do we make the best of it? I say make the best of it no one really wants to be that crotchety old person with no one around and nothing nice to say. And that is where you are headed if you don't try to grab onto a little positivity.

I don't want to be all Sally Sunshine, and I definitely won't be all the time. So let's all just get over ourselves in 2010 and make the best of life. You aren't the only one with problems, so deal with it.